Silver Lining?
I'm having a bit of a bad go today. The Evil Ex has taken up most of my head space, and I've been having a hard time shaking it. It didn't help when I drove past his house and saw him all cozy in the front yard with his new victim. I'd be lying if I said that didn't feel like a buckshot to the chest. It's nice to know that it's really that simple for him. Hopefully seeing for myself that he couldn't give less of a shit about me will help me finally shed him for good. Still, it fuckin' hurts and I wish like hell it would go away sooner. I feel like I'm drowning in this shit and it's just starting to get annoying now.
Now that my legal troubles are out of the way, I'm in a desperate state: I need to get OUT of my mother's house before I shove her in front of a train. She and I living together for any length of time ranks right up there with impossible, and I have homicidal thoughts about her at least once a day. Starting over is proving to be a huge mountain for me, but for my own mental well being, I have to make it happen like, yesterday. I'm giving myself a 3 month deadline to be gainfully employed, packed up and on my own. There is no room for error. If I fuck up, there's a good chance that the County and I will become reacquainted.
Ok, so as my headline promised, some news on the plus side....
I've decided to strike out again and poke around in the boy pool. About a month and a half ago, I started casually conversing with a nice guy via email. We started off extremely casually, with sporadic emails just to say hello. Very naturally it morphed into the 'getting to know you' area, and now we're slowly moving into the 'really enjoy talking to you' phase. He didn't even send me a pic of himself until the third or fourth email, (but boy was I glad to get it-WOW. Super WOW.) and if that wasn't enough, his Hot Guy points went through the roof when I found out his occupation. What a guy does for a living was never something that mattered to me, but I can't lie... I've always been a sucker for a soldier.. :) And he's not just any soldier, but a medic in the U.S. Army, fresh off the plane from Afghanistan. Hellooooooo hero.
I'm taking this one baby step at a time. At this point I just really enjoy talking to him, and seeing his emails in my inbox slaps a huge smile on my face. It's nice to feel that again. There's no pressure whatsoever, which is also refreshing. He's stationed 8 hours away, so there is a natural boundary in place. He seems to be genuinely interested in getting to know me as a person, which speaks volumes for what kind of guy he is. I enjoy him, and I look forward to seeing how this plays out. Only time will tell... :)
Now that my legal troubles are out of the way, I'm in a desperate state: I need to get OUT of my mother's house before I shove her in front of a train. She and I living together for any length of time ranks right up there with impossible, and I have homicidal thoughts about her at least once a day. Starting over is proving to be a huge mountain for me, but for my own mental well being, I have to make it happen like, yesterday. I'm giving myself a 3 month deadline to be gainfully employed, packed up and on my own. There is no room for error. If I fuck up, there's a good chance that the County and I will become reacquainted.
Ok, so as my headline promised, some news on the plus side....
I've decided to strike out again and poke around in the boy pool. About a month and a half ago, I started casually conversing with a nice guy via email. We started off extremely casually, with sporadic emails just to say hello. Very naturally it morphed into the 'getting to know you' area, and now we're slowly moving into the 'really enjoy talking to you' phase. He didn't even send me a pic of himself until the third or fourth email, (but boy was I glad to get it-WOW. Super WOW.) and if that wasn't enough, his Hot Guy points went through the roof when I found out his occupation. What a guy does for a living was never something that mattered to me, but I can't lie... I've always been a sucker for a soldier.. :) And he's not just any soldier, but a medic in the U.S. Army, fresh off the plane from Afghanistan. Hellooooooo hero.
I'm taking this one baby step at a time. At this point I just really enjoy talking to him, and seeing his emails in my inbox slaps a huge smile on my face. It's nice to feel that again. There's no pressure whatsoever, which is also refreshing. He's stationed 8 hours away, so there is a natural boundary in place. He seems to be genuinely interested in getting to know me as a person, which speaks volumes for what kind of guy he is. I enjoy him, and I look forward to seeing how this plays out. Only time will tell... :)
yay silver lining!!!!! Wanna know what kept me going when I was plagued with heart ache and mental anguish, I had 3 part time jobs. when you have nothing but your thoughts alone in your head and still can't figure things out, I find filling up your day so you can't really think at all really does the trick. and...it will keep you from killing your mother. Just some food for thought.
ReplyDeletealso, I saw this video on how Miss. South Carolina lost over 100lbs, I think you should be the next Miss Illinois. Get you swagger on bitch!!! Love you!