Its A Mad Mad Mad World

Sometimes there is just no rhyme or reason for something, it just is.  You can try all you like to rationalize it, figure it out, come up with theories as to why, who, what, where, how, but you still come up empty handed.  I think the universe drops shit like this in our laps for the sole purpose of watching us squirm to figure out a solution or a reason...I'm getting ahead of myself.  Let me rewind a bit...
  Things went downhill with El, as you may have read in the last post.  Full disclosure: I am totally friggin' disgruntled over it. Not depressed, just completely and overwhelmingly bummed.
We obviously didn't have some mad love affair or anything remotely close, we were just starting to hit our stride in getting to know each other, and I let myself be immersed in it, and then...I was completely fucking blindsided.  Still, just based on how short things were with us, it "shouldn't have" bothered me so much.  I didn't have much invested in him, but I did like him, genuinely. I start to wonder why I'm so bothered by it, but I know I'll never come up with a definitive answer...I just am.
  Now I just feel kind of in limbo.  He called me early this morning after receiving the 'I know your secret' email I sent him last night. (Which he also responded to)  I missed the call totally by accident, and he left me a voicemail...which incidently broke my heart...why?  I have no idea.  I just know listening to it tied my insides up in knots, and not in a good way.  (The claim is that the guy in the picture is not HIM, it is his 1 year older look alike COUSIN who lives in California, where the wedding did take place.  There are a few things that support this claim, but at the same time, I have to ask myself if the pictures really lie, because the resemblance is un-fuckin-canny)  I attempted to contact him back, just to allow him to tell me his side, mainly because he didn't run away after I busted him out.  He ignored my emails and texts until just a few hours ago, but only sent me one or two asking how I was.  This was after an email that said 'please, please call me' and a horrendously sad sounding voicemail.  I feel like I'm in the damn Twilight Zone.  I have no idea what the hell is happening.
  My question is why am I so involved?  Why is all of this bothering me the way it is?  I haven't invested enough time with this man to be so disappointed over something that never really was, but I am, and have no reasons why.  I think the universe just dumped an assload of crazy on me, and now wants to watch me untangle it all.  Thanks Universe, you shouldn't have.  Really.

Comments

  1. Merry Ms. BerryJuly 15, 2011 at 11:06 AM

    First of all, stop blaming the universe! This is no one's fault. You fell for a man, as simple as that and it's okay to have strong feelings for him so quickly. If you want to believe him, then do so, it's okay. Ask for some proof. Ask for a picture of him and his cousin, because you are so torn and have every right to be. You have the right to get to the bottom of this. If this guy is as heart-felt as you make him out to be, then he'll go above and beyond to prove himself for you.
    Again, stop blaming the universe!!!! Everything happens for a reason.. PERIOD. Just because YOU can't find an answer yet doesn't mean it does not exist. It just happens over time, even for "us" that are more aware then others. answers don't always appear in a day or so. So...quit your whining and get your homework done. If you really like this guy, give him a 2nd chance to explain and really get to the bottom of this. Keep focusing on your health. Happiness is a state of mind that only YOU can control. No one can take that away from you.

    This and all other proceedings brought to your neighborhood Moral Avenger and ass kicker. Merry Ms Berry...with Love!

    ReplyDelete
  2. WomanOnFireAugust 22, 2011 at 10:34 PM

    Got my proof, albeit a month and some change later. Received an email from, you guessed it, THE WIFE!! She confirmed what I already knew, and I gave her a picture and everything. Sidenote: she seems to be a snarky, snotty, stuck up beeyotch. I wouldn't go so far as to say she deserves a cheater,but I don't feel as bad for her as I did in the beginning. Suck on THAT you snotty bitch.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Merry Ms. BerryAugust 23, 2011 at 5:54 PM

    Hahahahaha that's awesome!

    ReplyDelete

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