::Let Me Clear My Throat::

Now that I've had a sadness purge, (and a little cry, thanks to Poppa and his perfectly timed phone call, as usual), I can unload the rest of the shit I've been carrying around. Life Update #1: Surgery : Things were going too well, and, true to form, anything good in my life is bound to fail, and this is no exception.  I was at the final turn with my process, and was about to reach the finish line and finally schedule my procedure. Unfortunately, my insurance coverage went belly up completely out of nowhere, crushing my surgery plans like Tonya Harding with a baton. I've since signed up with a new insurance provider, but I have no idea if I'll be able to continue my plans, or start over, or, worse, not have the ability to do it at all. I won't have insurance until the beginning of the year, and I know nothing as of now other than the fact that I'm fucking crushed by this.  I feel like I'm backsliding, and I'm really depressed about all of it. Li

On paper, I am a woman. A daughter.  A sister. A mother. At home, I am a landfill.  A punching bag. A roommate. An invisible annoyance, like a bad smell you can't get rid of. I'm the fixer.  The payer of bills and solver of problems...yet outside of that, I am a nobody; a complete non-entity in my own house. Just someone that takes up space and makes sure all the boxes get checked, but still not quite a human person with needs and feelings. I basically do not exist unless someone needs or wants something, and once that need is fulfilled, they go right back to looking right past me, as if I was never there in the first place. People like to wax poetic about how tough mothers are, but never consider how tough it is to be one. They don't consider the possibility that the kids you bust your ass to raise will grow up and know how to shoot you in the heart. No mother is tough enough to withstand that, no matter how thick your armor is.  Mine have learned not only how t