Just Call Me Stumbles
Holy crap. I think I've temporarily lost my mojo.
After weeks of playing it cool, calm and collected via email, Mr Military (heretofore known as "El") finally got me on the phone.... And I lost all ability to form a coherent sentence from that moment on. All that personality, all my wit, all of my innate coolness just vanished as soon as I heard him say "Hello". My tongue tied up in knots, my stomach had an insect outbreak, and my brain not only shut down, but packed up and got the hell outta Dodge. Every time I spoke, I had a "D'oh" moment, and I felt like a complete tool.
I think I just forgot how to think lol...
We have been talking most of the day-I think he's called me probably half a dozen times, and each time, I feel just a teensy bit better, mostly because I'm reassured then that the only one that thinks I'm a moron is me. But then as fast as the confidence comes...it's gone again and I'm back to feeling like an inarticulate mutant.
I don't remember ever being like this-not since I first started talking to boys back in the 5th grade. I remember feeling so awkward in the beginning, and it's exactly how I feel now. Shy?!? I haven't felt shy with a boy since I was 12 years old, but all of a sudden, here it is again, back with a vengeance! I don't know where it came from or why it's here, but please send it back!
I thought maybe it was just due to the fact that I was so comfortable with my Ex, and maybe I lost social skills because I didn't have to 'try' with him; our interaction was just natural, like breathing. I could be myself and not have to second guess anything. But then I remembered, El isn't my first foray into the dating world, and any other guy that I have talked to, I did it without hyperventilating like I am now.
I completely dig this guy in all aspects. Maybe that's what has my panties twisted and has me tripping over single syllables. I know, I know-he's just a guy, so why have I turned into a wreck? I haven't been so interested in someone since I met my Ex, (with whom I was buttcrazy in love within the first 12 seconds of meeting, but still managed to form whole sentences. Go figure) and I'm kind of apprehensive that my awkwardness is gonna get in the way and fuck it up. I think I need a major mojo refill. :-s
After weeks of playing it cool, calm and collected via email, Mr Military (heretofore known as "El") finally got me on the phone.... And I lost all ability to form a coherent sentence from that moment on. All that personality, all my wit, all of my innate coolness just vanished as soon as I heard him say "Hello". My tongue tied up in knots, my stomach had an insect outbreak, and my brain not only shut down, but packed up and got the hell outta Dodge. Every time I spoke, I had a "D'oh" moment, and I felt like a complete tool.
I think I just forgot how to think lol...
We have been talking most of the day-I think he's called me probably half a dozen times, and each time, I feel just a teensy bit better, mostly because I'm reassured then that the only one that thinks I'm a moron is me. But then as fast as the confidence comes...it's gone again and I'm back to feeling like an inarticulate mutant.
I don't remember ever being like this-not since I first started talking to boys back in the 5th grade. I remember feeling so awkward in the beginning, and it's exactly how I feel now. Shy?!? I haven't felt shy with a boy since I was 12 years old, but all of a sudden, here it is again, back with a vengeance! I don't know where it came from or why it's here, but please send it back!
I thought maybe it was just due to the fact that I was so comfortable with my Ex, and maybe I lost social skills because I didn't have to 'try' with him; our interaction was just natural, like breathing. I could be myself and not have to second guess anything. But then I remembered, El isn't my first foray into the dating world, and any other guy that I have talked to, I did it without hyperventilating like I am now.
I completely dig this guy in all aspects. Maybe that's what has my panties twisted and has me tripping over single syllables. I know, I know-he's just a guy, so why have I turned into a wreck? I haven't been so interested in someone since I met my Ex, (with whom I was buttcrazy in love within the first 12 seconds of meeting, but still managed to form whole sentences. Go figure) and I'm kind of apprehensive that my awkwardness is gonna get in the way and fuck it up. I think I need a major mojo refill. :-s
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