::Let Me Clear My Throat::

Sometimes I try to remember what I was like before this. What did it feel like to not feel like I'm drowning all the time.  The dictionary defines depression as "feelings of severe despondency and dejection.". I think the dictionary is either misinformed, or just too polite.  As a person struggling, I can say from experience that it's much worse.  It's a cancer. It's a crawling, growing, insidious intruder, hell bent on sucking every ounce of life out of you until you're nothing more than a shell.  You're a living being, but you're not alive, you just take up space. It's going through your life being able to see and hear everything, but doing so from inside a bubble. It's feeling like you've been tied to a chair and tossed in the water, and everyone is yelling at you to swim. Just swim. I look in the mirror now and don't recognize the person staring back at me.  I go through the motions of living, but it takes so much fuck

Contrary to popular culture, I will not be writing this blog from the outside of a moving car, because that's STUPID. Let's get this show on the road...pun not intended but that's funny anyway. Whatever. Hooooooooooly shitbricks, where do I begin... The last few months have been... challenging. Life has been a minefield, and I've had my face blasted off more times than I'm ok with.  They say things come in threes, and I was hit with a double, and at this point I can say with certainty that getting hit by a bus would have been more convenient. I'll start from the top, since shit rolls downhill. In early July, after being physically, mentally, financially and emotionally wrung the fuck out, I lost my job. On one hand, I was completely blindsided.  I had no warnings, no misconduct, no indication that this was coming.  On the other, for weeks before that, things were rough in the office. I had asked..begged for a raise. I felt justified in asking, I know I d