::Let Me Clear My Throat::

I probably don't have the right to mourn the loss of someone that was never really mine to begin with. What's right and logical, however, doesn't always translate into what's real. The sadness I feel over him is so strong it's kind of shocking. Things ended just about as fast as they began, but within that small time period, he took a piece of me that he didn't deserve, and the loss is so tangible. I just.. I wanted what he was offering so bad. It was literally everything I've ever said I wanted here, right in front of me for the taking, and I went all carpe diem and jumped. As soon as I landed in something soft, the bottom opened up and dropped me on the ground, hard. It's not just a matter of 'Aw man I'm single again'.. I was finally becoming resigned to the fact. Honestly, it was just him. Him that I wanted, and him that I hated losing. His words and actions meant everything, and finding out none of it was true was more devastating than...

That guy on the floor?  Yep, that would be me. I fully realize that the logical thing to do is to dust myself off and get up, but getting up requires more effort than I'm willing to give.  I think I'll just chill here for a while.  Carry on. I was gonna stick with basics and write yet another blog about yet another disapponting date that I got my hopes way too high for, but let's be real: we all already know this story, and I just don't feel like going there again. Nutshell: Three weeks ago I met a dude who I thought had real potential. I liked him. We went out. It sucked. The end.  I don't even know what I did wrong. So I've come to a conclusion: Guys just don't want me.  And you know what?  I'm just gonna have to deal with it.  I've decided I'm done looking, done wishing. I've tried everything, prayed to every deity I know of and even some I made up just to add to the list, and no matter what happens, I strike out 100% of the time...

::sigh:: Who wants to guess what this post is about?  Anyone? Bueller?? True to form (mine), New Boyfriend is now in the Ex pile.  Crossed off the list and next-ed like a bad MTV show.  He lasted just under a month, just when I actually thought, finally, that I was done looking for a while. Unfortunately, I am a magnet for self absorbed liars that, at the end of the day, only want to get into my pants,  In his case, he wanted to see me get into the pants of others, and was adamant that it would happen ASAP.  He also faked the funk on the love stuff, but kept dragging me along anyway, hoping that said events would still take place.  This, accompanied by a few more lies and virtually no remorse, pretty much hermetically sealed the coffin. Oh, but he had an excuse-you ready for this one? It's a doozy. He was unsure he wanted to be my boyfriend because of the state of my driving priveleges.  He said he 'reevaluated' our relationship the night I tol...

Hearts are pointless, and love is a myth. Go ahead and disagree with me if you must, or try to talk me out of it.  Good luck with that.  For a while I started to fall back into the hype, wanting it, believing in it, even after my own heart was obliterated and I promised myself it would be the last time.  Now?  I give up completely on the entire idea.  It doesn't exist-not for me.  I'm tired of putting my whole self out there only to pull back a bloody stump. I should probably rewind a little. When I spend time with SP, things are great.  Amazing.  Everything I said in my earlier posts were real and from the soul.  He made me feel things I didn't think I could feel anymore, and I wanted to believe he felt similarly for me as well.  For a while, I did, so I let myself get comfortable in that idea.  Soon after, the phone calls and texts and emails became less and less frequent.  I would start to doubt myself, and him...then he...