Cause of Death....

Can you actually die from a broken heart?
I was reading an article on Wikipedia recently and according to them, it's possible.  Obviously it's not actually physically broken, rather the emotional trauma is so intense that it causes physical ailment and death.  You know when it's broken-you get that ache right in the center of your chest and it feels like it's gonna shatter into millions of tiny shards, like glass.  The tears flow like a river and you can't move.. ..you can't breathe.

Imagine having that feeling every day, each day just as fresh as the last.

Now multiply it by 10 and you have me.

I have bled, sweat and cried for this man more times than I can count.  I've held him up even when he deserved to fall on his ass, and loved him when he was completely unworthy of me even tolerating him.  I've held him when he cried, nursed him when he was sick (or drunk), fed and housed him.  I stuck right to his side when nobody else did. You would think that would earn me something..respect at the very least.

Instead I was used, played with, cursed at, dropped, forgotten, hated, lied to, put down, disrespected, degraded, kicked while I was down, and hurt in every way imaginable.  This man has completely broken me as a woman and as a person, and for some reason, still feels the need to do so, even after I've laid my entire heart out on the table for him to see.

I can't help but continue to ask why.  I'm scratching my head wondering what the fuck I did to deserve the hell he has put me thru, and why he continues to do it when I've been nothing but good to him, DESPITE what he did.  I don't ask for anything from him other than his honesty, and he still spits in my face but has the nerve to tell me he loves me.  What would make him think it's ok to play with someone like that, especially when that "someone" has had nothing but genuine love for him for 6 goddamn years?  Who does that?

  Right now, I just know that my heart is hanging on by a thread.  He has completely obliterated every ounce of what was there before.  It goes well beyond your typical broken heart this time-it's a disaster area. I've managed to live through so much and came out fine on the other side, but this... I don't think this is something I can live through.  He'll be the death of me.