Numb

  Saw him today, just for a little while.  The visit was uneventful, even bordering on dull, just a barbeque with a handful of people.  We didn't talk much, he was busy playing Grill Master, but it suited me ok.  I didn't expect us to get into anything heavy today, and to be honest, I wouldn't have had the energy to get into it anyway. After the last few days I've had,  I'm physically and emotionally drained.  I was just grateful that he even wanted to see me after what happened the other day.
  He walked me to my car when I left, and hugged & kissed me goodbye just like he had done hundreds of times before. Told me he loves me, just like he has hundreds of times. This time, reality hit me:  It's not he same anymore-not for him.  And I can feel it. I can feel that he doesn't feel for me.  Not the same way as before.  It was a huge reality check for me-I REALLY have to learn how to let go.  He isn't mine anymore, doesn't have the desire to be, and probably never will be.  It's humbling and hurts like a bitch.
I don't really know how to put into words how I feel right now.  It feels like my heart is literally aching and in pieces, and the rest of me is completely numb, and I don't really know where to go from here.