I Think I'll Just Stay Down This Time.

 I promised myself I wouldn't go too far in depth with this post, so I'll say this-I was wrong about something.  WAY wrong.  I allowed myself to get my hopes up, only to have them bashed in-AGAIN-when I really should have just known better in the first place.  I should have been smart enough to not put myself in a position where I could get kicked to the ground again, and shouldn't have let my emotions lead me around on a leash.  I allowed myself to feel hopeful, good, and all googly eyed over something I shouldn't have, and once again, I'm paying the ultimate price.
  I know that I do this to myself.  I allow this shit to keep happening to me, BUT when I take steps to change it, I feel just as bad.  It is literally a no-win situation.  I can't run away from it, and I can't seem to get my hands around it either.  I'm stuck in this middle spot, with no hope of feeling fucking better, and SO damn tired of it hurting just as bad as the last time every time it happens.  I feel fucking retarded-I stand in the same place and just let it burn me, but only because stepping out into the cold would hurt just as much. I literally don't know what to do.  Yes, letting go is the LOGICAL OPTION, but that's exactly what I'm talking about-I physically and emotionally CAN'T.  I've tried, and fooled myself into thinking it was working, attempted to move on a few times, and nothing actually came of it.  It failed because I felt like I couldn't breathe.  Unfortunately from what I can tell, I seem to be the only one with that problem.

  There's only so many times you can be kicked before you can't or just don't want to get up again. If you don't stand up, you can't be knocked down.  I think it would just suit me better for a while if  I just stay down, cuz I don't know how much more pain I can take before I lose it completely.

Comments

  1. Merry Ms. BerryJune 17, 2011 at 8:43 AM

    oooooooooooammmmmmmmmmmmm!

    But you're already ahead of the game. You know that you did this to yourself, so you know exactly what NOT to do next time. Take care of yourself first and foremost!!!!!!! It might seem like shit now, but I promise you there's a light at the end of the tunnel. You're a good person with a big heart that gives out to the wrong people. It's time to love the right person, and that person is ME....no no just kidding. It's YOU!!!!! No one can hurt you if you don't let them.

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