Let Me Clear My Throat
I feel the need to set the record straight about a few things. I think some of my beloved readers may have the wrong idea about my feelings/relationship/intentions with my ex. Allow me to put things in perspective, once and for all:
--I am NOT interested in pursuing or rekindling any sort of relationship with him.
--I did NOT forget what he did to me and to us.
--My guilt over what I inadvertently did to him doesn't change any of the above.
--However, I AM still human, and it DOES bother me, despite what he put me through, and that won't change.
And finally:
--I am fully aware of all the shit he put me through, I was there. It sucked. But I WAS with him for 5 years for a reason, and it wasn't because I enjoyed being treated like a bag of shit. He had a lot of redeeming qualities, which is not to excuse his bad behavior, but to make you understand that he wasn't all bad. I loved him for a reason, and feelings like that don't just disappear because I try a new attitude on for size. My relationship is history and will remain that way, but I will freely admit that I still love the hell out of him and probably always will, no matter what happens with us in the future, no matter if he hates me. He carved a little spot for himself in my heart, and it's permanent and exclusively his. No amount of changing and moving on will make that stop.
And I wouldn't have it any other way.
--I am NOT interested in pursuing or rekindling any sort of relationship with him.
--I did NOT forget what he did to me and to us.
--My guilt over what I inadvertently did to him doesn't change any of the above.
--However, I AM still human, and it DOES bother me, despite what he put me through, and that won't change.
And finally:
--I am fully aware of all the shit he put me through, I was there. It sucked. But I WAS with him for 5 years for a reason, and it wasn't because I enjoyed being treated like a bag of shit. He had a lot of redeeming qualities, which is not to excuse his bad behavior, but to make you understand that he wasn't all bad. I loved him for a reason, and feelings like that don't just disappear because I try a new attitude on for size. My relationship is history and will remain that way, but I will freely admit that I still love the hell out of him and probably always will, no matter what happens with us in the future, no matter if he hates me. He carved a little spot for himself in my heart, and it's permanent and exclusively his. No amount of changing and moving on will make that stop.
And I wouldn't have it any other way.
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