I Am a Warrior.
At least I thought I was up until a few minutes ago. Its crazy how the anger just dissipates so quickly and leaves something behind that feels a lot like guilt.
I haven't seen the dreaded ex in about 6 weeks, with the exception of today. With all the headaches I'm facing, I needed to be able to just talk to someone who gets me, and sadly enough, he's the only one who really does when it comes to this, since he was with me through the other ones. As much as I knew I was going backwards, I was desperate, and I had to vent.
The day started off fine and dandy. We had lunch, a nice chat, and I was able to let it out completely, tears and all. It was refreshing and left me feeling better immediately. I decided since I was having a nice time, I would continue to visit for the afternoon. He even came along when it was time to get my son, and we returned to our little spot with him in tow.
I guess I shouldn't have been surprised to see the clouds rolling in and beginning to cover our little sunshine-y visit.
Long story short, he started drinking like a fish, which is never a shock, but who am I to say anything about it? I left it alone. His buddy came along, and little by little, I was being edged out of the party. After 30 minutes of being completely ignored, I decided I had enough and was ready to leave, and by this time I was sitting at a whole other table. I chose to not even say goodbye-if he wasn't gonna acknowledge my presence, why the fuck should I say anything? My son, on the other hand, wanted to say his, so I let him, keeping him in my line of sight the whole time. I watched them hug goodbye, and the Ex actually turned back around to continue his conversation and finish his beer. He didn't even look up to see where I was. It was literally as if I didn't exist. So I left, but of course, the confrontational part of me was itching for answers. So I walked back inside, keys and purse in hand, and this man turns around and says "Oh wussup?" !!!!!
Bomb number one has been lit.
I calmly asked him to step outside with me so I can air out my grievance and leave it at that. I should have known that it can NEVER be that easy.
It's nearly impossible to have a civil conversation with him after he's had three too many. There is no reasoning with him. I wasn't looking for an argument, I just wanted him to hear me out, but I forgot that he doesn't stop YELLING long enough to do that. (Let the record show I didn't raise my voice once) I wasn't looking to play the blame game, I'm hip to his manipulative bullshit, and his crocodile tears don't bother me either, but he chose to pull them all out and play them like a hand of poker. Then, like clockwork, came the mudslinging. I thought I was impervious to all of that by now, and I had done a damn good job of holding my ground through this whole debacle...and then, true to form, he had to get ugly.
After everything this man has put me through, for him to call me out my name was the beginning of the end. He got a well deserved crack in the mouth, hard enough that my hand stung after, and it felt good. By then I was done with the conversation, and the slap heard 'round the world was all the closure I needed. Of course, Asshole had to be stupid and up the ante. And I quote:
"I hope you rot to death in jail, you fat ass fuckin' cunt;" (Really??? After I sat with him and cried about this very issue, he was just plum stupid to come out his neck like this.) So as I charged him like a mad bull, he decided he was gonna kick me...and ended up slamming back first into a water spigot on his way to the pavement. As I drove away, he was still on the ground, surrounded by good Samaritans.
Now we've come full circle. I know now that I should have just walked away, and let him feel like a dick about what he said when he sobered up, but at the time I didn't care. I was glad he was hurt, and I felt justified. Now I just feel bad, no matter how much he probably deserved it. He makes me forget that I'm a good person. I'm done with the contact- I don't want anymore to do with him, and I'm sure he feels the same. As glad as I am to have this closure, it's still sad. I gave him more credit than he deserved, just like I always did, and he managed to disappoint, just like he always did.
I just hope he didn't break the spigot on the way down...
I haven't seen the dreaded ex in about 6 weeks, with the exception of today. With all the headaches I'm facing, I needed to be able to just talk to someone who gets me, and sadly enough, he's the only one who really does when it comes to this, since he was with me through the other ones. As much as I knew I was going backwards, I was desperate, and I had to vent.
The day started off fine and dandy. We had lunch, a nice chat, and I was able to let it out completely, tears and all. It was refreshing and left me feeling better immediately. I decided since I was having a nice time, I would continue to visit for the afternoon. He even came along when it was time to get my son, and we returned to our little spot with him in tow.
I guess I shouldn't have been surprised to see the clouds rolling in and beginning to cover our little sunshine-y visit.
Long story short, he started drinking like a fish, which is never a shock, but who am I to say anything about it? I left it alone. His buddy came along, and little by little, I was being edged out of the party. After 30 minutes of being completely ignored, I decided I had enough and was ready to leave, and by this time I was sitting at a whole other table. I chose to not even say goodbye-if he wasn't gonna acknowledge my presence, why the fuck should I say anything? My son, on the other hand, wanted to say his, so I let him, keeping him in my line of sight the whole time. I watched them hug goodbye, and the Ex actually turned back around to continue his conversation and finish his beer. He didn't even look up to see where I was. It was literally as if I didn't exist. So I left, but of course, the confrontational part of me was itching for answers. So I walked back inside, keys and purse in hand, and this man turns around and says "Oh wussup?" !!!!!
Bomb number one has been lit.
I calmly asked him to step outside with me so I can air out my grievance and leave it at that. I should have known that it can NEVER be that easy.
It's nearly impossible to have a civil conversation with him after he's had three too many. There is no reasoning with him. I wasn't looking for an argument, I just wanted him to hear me out, but I forgot that he doesn't stop YELLING long enough to do that. (Let the record show I didn't raise my voice once) I wasn't looking to play the blame game, I'm hip to his manipulative bullshit, and his crocodile tears don't bother me either, but he chose to pull them all out and play them like a hand of poker. Then, like clockwork, came the mudslinging. I thought I was impervious to all of that by now, and I had done a damn good job of holding my ground through this whole debacle...and then, true to form, he had to get ugly.
After everything this man has put me through, for him to call me out my name was the beginning of the end. He got a well deserved crack in the mouth, hard enough that my hand stung after, and it felt good. By then I was done with the conversation, and the slap heard 'round the world was all the closure I needed. Of course, Asshole had to be stupid and up the ante. And I quote:
"I hope you rot to death in jail, you fat ass fuckin' cunt;" (Really??? After I sat with him and cried about this very issue, he was just plum stupid to come out his neck like this.) So as I charged him like a mad bull, he decided he was gonna kick me...and ended up slamming back first into a water spigot on his way to the pavement. As I drove away, he was still on the ground, surrounded by good Samaritans.
Now we've come full circle. I know now that I should have just walked away, and let him feel like a dick about what he said when he sobered up, but at the time I didn't care. I was glad he was hurt, and I felt justified. Now I just feel bad, no matter how much he probably deserved it. He makes me forget that I'm a good person. I'm done with the contact- I don't want anymore to do with him, and I'm sure he feels the same. As glad as I am to have this closure, it's still sad. I gave him more credit than he deserved, just like I always did, and he managed to disappoint, just like he always did.
I just hope he didn't break the spigot on the way down...
Now that I see what he said... he definitely deserved what he got. No questions, no remorse girl!
ReplyDeleteGirl! Delete his shit out of your phone, NOW! Why are you shocked that any of this happened? Just because he's "been there" doesn't mean he deserved any of it. If you need someone to vent and listen to, how about those that have NEVER hurt you and would never think about it. Shit, vent to Go, He wants to hear it. Hopefully this is the last draw from you. Remember, another chapter of your life can't start until you end the one you're in. If you want a better life, you need to fill it with better people. We've all dealt with the douche bag, I'm guilty too. But best thing is to delete delete delete.
ReplyDeleteIt's completely over-there will be no more contact. He was actually hurt pretty bad- the spigot punctured his back right on his spine-I didn't know that til after when he sent me pictures to prove it. He hates me, and I feel wretched. No matter how much he deserved an ass kicking, he didn't deserve that, accident or not. The guilt is eating me up.
ReplyDelete