A Queen, a Knight & a Joker Walk Into a Bar...

Five months in my rollercoaster of a lovelife feels like a Lightyear. Let's catch up, shall we?

Siiigh...RK. Y'all already know. 

RK & I are no longer, thanks in part to being swept up, chewed up, & spit out by an actual tornado. Back in April, his compound was hit & the lights, water, & communication system were wiped out. In the melee of the blackout, there was a fight, & he was moved to a higher security facility. Everything fell apart one piece at a time from there. I found out not only was I one of many, not only was he using me, not only did he not love me, but that he was actively dragging me behind my back to his friends, family & everyone he was housed with. I was head over heels for a guy didn't even LIKE me. One of the other women he was messing with was the whistleblower, sending me receipts of everything he was doing and saying about me. The guy wasn't satisfied just breaking my heart, he had to make sure to mop up every drop of my self respect on his way out too. Love that for me. 

But, like some corny damsel in distress, I was swept off my feet by a Knight soon after. All is not lost. 

I started talking to P a few weeks after the fallout.  We had already been semi-acquainted through RK, but I never considered him as someone I could potentially be interested in. It felt messy, and I was still hung up. When we started talking, it was strictly on a platonic, occasional, friendly level, and I told him flat out that I had no interest in a relationship.  He was really supportive of me after my break, and always had something positive & motivating to offer me. It didn't take long for me to sincerely enjoy his company. I started thinking about RK less & less & looking forward to my time with P. Our occasional conversations turned into daily, then multiple times a day. I found myself crazy attracted to him, not just in a physical sense, but in every way. Suddenly I was looking at him in ways I promised myself I wouldn't, and we sort of just evolved into a couple. In the softest, smoothest way possible, like turned into love. There were no explosions or epiphanies, nothing smacked me in the face..one day I just knew, like it was there all along and I just needed to open up to it. 

What I have with him is unlike anything I've ever experienced with anyone else. It's safe, sure, secure. I don't question it or my place in his life. I don't feel like I need to twist myself up & be something I'm not to deserve it. I don't chase it, beg for it, or pretend it's more than it is. He gives me the purest, most open love & affection with no secrecy or shame. People have always told me to wait for the man who would move mountains for me, and I've never fully understood that until I found one that does. This man lifts me up, motivates me, & shows me every day that I deserve more than I've always settled for. He shines a spotlight on all the good in me and not only encourages me to see it for myself, but makes me want to be a better version of myself. He legitimately treats me like a Queen & never lets me forget my place with him. He is a MAN, in every sense of the word. Puts me in my place, respectfully, when I get a little slick, and as old fashioned as this may sound, I need it. He's filled with HEALTHY masculine energy, and allows me to just be feminine & soft, & love him fully without fear of it destroying me later. I've NEVER had this. I feel held & protected, but have also never felt so powerful. This man is truly everything I've ever wished for, and so much more than I ever thought I could find. 

It's only been a few months, but I feel like I've known him my whole life. We've talked about marriage. At length. More than talked about it...it's in our short term plans. He went to my kids & my brother already and asked for my hand- WHO DOES THAT??! 😳😍 He fully intends to propose, and I fully intend to accept.  If he asked tomorrow, I'd go to bed engaged. Wtf does time have to do with anything when you just know? There is no hesitation for me- every cell in my body knows he's my person.

I didn't know it could be like this. I had no idea this is how it's supposed to feel. Part of me is convinced I'm in an elaborate fever dream. Please nobody wake me if I am, just let me die like this lol. 

I'm happy...God am I happy. I'm calm, settled, & feel like I finally found my place. This blog is full of the worst heartbreaks anyone could ever have...but I'd go through every last one all over again if I knew it would lead me back here. 

With that said, I think I'd like to make this my last post. In 15+ years of chronicling every joy, heartbreak, & loss, I feel like I've come full circle. 

This feels like a good place to stop, put my feet up, and finally enjoy a win.