Waiting For My Comet
I may as well just come out with it:
I'm sick to death of being single.
I understand the appeal of single life, really. The 'never having to answer to someone, I can kiss who I want' stuff is cool. I get it, I'm just not a fan. Not anymore. Not when I know that lonely ache that comes from having to sleep alone every night, and waking up to only myself every morning.
Full disclosure: I've been just kind of blue at the thought of this lately, and it's been pretty heavy on my mind.
I turn 33 a week from right now. Middle age is officially on the horizon, and all I have in my rearview mirror are old relationship bones and regrets. Life is whizzing right past me, and I'm still clunking along in the slow lane, sharing it with nobody. That thought alone depresses the hell out of me. I realize things happen for people at different times in their lives, but I don't want my time to be when I'm too aged to really enjoy it. Unfortunately for me, things aren't looking so good. My prospects aren't exactly plentiful, and the ones I do talk to are only interested in having a relationship with my vagina. "What the hell?" doesn't even begin to cover it.
I know that the approaching holidays have alot to do with my lonely mood, because nothing sucks more than being single at Christmas. I wonder if there's still time to ask Santa for...nevermind. I miss feeling sparks when I kiss a boy, and even more, I miss when a boy feels them when he kisses me.
It's hard, when I see it happening all around me, and I'm the big, solo dummy still standing here waiting for it to find me. Sometimes I wonder if it ever will.
I'm sick to death of being single.
I understand the appeal of single life, really. The 'never having to answer to someone, I can kiss who I want' stuff is cool. I get it, I'm just not a fan. Not anymore. Not when I know that lonely ache that comes from having to sleep alone every night, and waking up to only myself every morning.
Full disclosure: I've been just kind of blue at the thought of this lately, and it's been pretty heavy on my mind.
I turn 33 a week from right now. Middle age is officially on the horizon, and all I have in my rearview mirror are old relationship bones and regrets. Life is whizzing right past me, and I'm still clunking along in the slow lane, sharing it with nobody. That thought alone depresses the hell out of me. I realize things happen for people at different times in their lives, but I don't want my time to be when I'm too aged to really enjoy it. Unfortunately for me, things aren't looking so good. My prospects aren't exactly plentiful, and the ones I do talk to are only interested in having a relationship with my vagina. "What the hell?" doesn't even begin to cover it.
I know that the approaching holidays have alot to do with my lonely mood, because nothing sucks more than being single at Christmas. I wonder if there's still time to ask Santa for...nevermind. I miss feeling sparks when I kiss a boy, and even more, I miss when a boy feels them when he kisses me.
It's hard, when I see it happening all around me, and I'm the big, solo dummy still standing here waiting for it to find me. Sometimes I wonder if it ever will.
I think you should just focus on school right now. Trust me, when there's a degree and a future on the line, a new relationship could mess all that up, if not the right relationship.
ReplyDeleteEverything happens for a reason. focus on your faith that you will find your one true lovely and keep a truckin'