Deciphering A WTF

    Spent some time with SP yesterday, and got  into a pretty deep conversation about the pitfalls and mistakes in relationships.  He surprised me by pointing out a lot of things men do that really fuck a woman up, but all the while thinking they're in the right.  I was shocked just to hear this not only come from his mouth, but his disdain for all the games as a whole.  We seemed to be on the same level and wavelength about most of our relationship ideals and expectations, and it was a pretty enlightening conversation.  Then we made out.
  The reason for my visit in the first place was because, for the first time, he reached out to me on an emotional level.  He texted me telling me how off he was feeling, just upset and sad for some reason, which was weird because, (one) he's ALWAYS happy, and (two) this sort of "reach out" had never happened before; he even went so far as to ask me to come over to hug him-I was shocked and sort of moved by that.
I left his place whistling damn Dixie, feeling pretty fine, thinking this was a HUGE step in our progression as a budding couple, and feeling good because I know I made him feel better.

Enter social media.  There's always a squeaky wheel.

So later that evening, as I checked thru my Facebook, a post of his caught my eye.  It was basically a short poem he wrote...in which insinuated he was in a serious relationship that had just ended sourly.  Ok, so putting my smarts to work, I automatically deduced that he couldn't have been referring to me.  Then, being the super sleuth that I am, I looked thru a few of his previous posts, ALL of them referring to love/relationships, and all of them seeming to refer to a particular unnamed person.  It never really registered before, because I know his habit of just posting random poetic things; when one did happen to catch my eye, he would explain that he was referring to his daughter who lives in another state and whom he misses terribly.  It made sense enough for me to not question them further.  The one last night, however, couldn't have been passed off with that excuse.

When I asked about it, I didn't get a response until 2 hours later.  His explanation sounded bogus, so I slammed my entire poker hand on the table to make sure there was no more miscommunication. I asked him point blank if he is or has been in some sort of serious relationship, and he flat out denied it-fine-so then I told him EXACTLY how I felt about him, (no more bush beating for this girl), and what I was hoping for with the two of us.  I informed him that the only thing I asked of him was his honesty, and that if I was getting the wrong idea about us, then that was his chance to say so.  I dropped my usual 'sweetheart' BS and just told him like it was.  (Go me!) He didn't give me any negative feedback, but I can't help but still feel a little put off by this.  I even went to The EX for advice about this (Im crazy, yes) and he's convinced SP is bullshitting me all the way.  Maybe he is, maybe he's not.  (And maybe it's wishful thinking on The Ex's part; for the last few days, I've heard nothing but "we should have never broken up."  That's neither here nor there, so he can suck my butt.)

  I've decided to let things cool off for a few days, and let SP come to me. I'm done being somebody's option. I'm also done being a damn doormat and getting kicked in the ass everytime I have feelings for a guy.  How I feel about SP is genuine and deep, but I'm not gonna allow myself to get in further with someone who constantly leaves a question mark dangling over my head like a sword.