Alone Again...Naturally.

I've realized that it's detrimental to my emotional well being to be alone, physically I mean.  Being alone gives me too much time on my hands to mourn, and it makes me miss him, and text him, and drive past his house, and see his brother from far away, and to be disappointed that it wasn't him walking up the steps.  It makes me stalk his friends Facebook pages looking for any information on where he is and what he's doing.  I'm literally driving myself crazy obsessing.  This is so unhealthy.  I need friends, a social life, I need a goddamn hug and a slap in the head.  I need support, and something to keep me occupied so I can stop with this and move on.  But I miss him.
  I was thinking earlier about last Valentines Day, I don't know why.  I remembered everything, and wondered how things could be so good one year ago and they're a pile of dust now. Sometimes I consider forgiving him and starting all over.  Then sometimes I hate him and can't let go of what happened.   I can't help but doubt that he even wants me that way.  I think he feels better off now that he isnt with me.  I wish I could feel the same way.  I don't know how to let go, and thats what I hate the most.