Trouble Man

There are times I can tell myself that I can stop this thing with Jones anytime I want. Times that I laugh at myself for being so bananas over someone I can never have and I wonder what the hell I'm doing.  I have a sassy, flamboyant little voice of reason sitting on my shoulder who brings me back down to earth after my little trips to the clouds.  That voice of reason gives me my reality check, and snaps me back to reality when I start getting all gushy. I rely on it and I need it.

So WHYYYYYYY does it disappear as soon as I see his dumb face and and the dumb smile he gets when I approach him. Just when I thought I was out, he pulls me back in.

I've taken some notes.  This man actively does things to make me like him. Just dumb things- little jokes and cute comments that make me smile and/or blush (he loves that), watching out the window for me to pull up and meeting me at the door with all of those things and his stupid ass handsome face and grin. Or he'll do bigger things, like making sure I have the thing that I made a random, offhand comment about a week ago. I hate that he's thoughtful like that.  I hate that I like it all so much. I hate that I don't hate any of it, because it just makes it harder to look at this as 'just fun'.

I know what you're thinking: 'There she goes catching feelings again. Just stop seeing him.' 
I don't want to catch feelings, that's a suicide mission if I've ever heard of one- I'd rather strap a bomb to my chest. But I'm realistic and know that sometimes it just chooses you and there isn't shit you can do about it.
Cutting off contact with him isn't really a possibility at this point.  Not going into specifics because discretion, but yeah, that's just not an option, and it's not simply because I don't want to.
I kinda feel like I'm on a really comfortable, fun train ride, but all the doors are sealed shut and we're speeding toward a break in the tracks, and I know this but don't really mind it even though I know I could be maimed for life.

I can only hope that whatever this is finds a way to die down so we can both eventually walk away unscathed, but his interest seems to match mine, despite the fact that he seems happy at home.
He makes it impossible not to like him, and this has now ventured out of 'lust' territory.  Makes me pissy cuz it was safe there, but now I'm all wide open doing stupid shit.

Fucking Mr. Jones. Why you gotta be so damn cute.