Let Them Eat Cake
Ok, switching gears for a second.
My post the other day reflected that nagging little bit of guilt over what I'm a part of. I know that what I'm doing with Jones is morally reprehensible, and being a person who has been 'the wife' for all intents and purposes, I know how damaging this could be if it got out.
A good friend who I have confided in put a spin on things for me the other day, and I'm having a hard time finding an argument against it. In the span of 3 weeks, a mutual friend of ours went from a beautiful, lively mother of four to stage 4 terminal cancer patient. She's exactly my age, minus a day. If that doesn't show you how short life is, nothing will.
Friend A broke it down- I'm generally a good person. I'm not out to steal him or break up his family. I have no desire to hurt anyone. We are simply two consenting adults having fun, and eventually this will burn out, and nobody has to find out about our escapades. Life is fucking SHORT. Way too short to not find and do the little things that make you happy, even when they're sometimes less than honorable. Sometimes you have to eat the cake, spend the money, kiss the boy that doesn't belong to you because he looks at you in just a way that turns you to goo. Be a participator instead of a spectator, and you won't end up wishing you did those things later. Sometimes you just have to grab life by the tits and go along for the ride. That's what I'm doing now. Whats happening to Friend B could easily be me or you or anyone; everything could change in a matter of weeks, and you get stuck with regrets and shoulda couldas. I hear those from her now, and she is a person that, for 40 years, has done alot of living.
What I'm doing is definitely not something I would have sanctioned before, and I know that I'm acting out of pure selfish lust, but when did it become a crime to be selfish once in a while? We're all so programmed to be good and unobtrusive, apologize for our feelings and feel bad for things that are in no way our fault. We've taken social graces to such an extreme that nobody knows how to just "feel" anymore, and be completely honest about it. At the end of it all, none of this self control will actually matter, and you'll be laying on your death bed wondering why you didn't take more risks. You sure as hell can't take your self righteousness with you, so why hold on to it so tightly? People, myself wholly included, get into the habit of simply being a passenger of their own lives, watching out the window as the world passes by, afraid to upset the balance, perfectly content with the status quo instead of just..closing their eyes and jumping, just for the fuck of it.
I know that this sounds like one long winded excuse for being a lady about town with a married person, and I wouldn't blame someone for thinking that way. I don't know how else to convey that this is something so much bigger than that. I can count on just a few fingers how many times I did something selfishly for purely selfish, objectionable reasons. I'm not looking to fuck up anyone's world, I'm just flying through the air without a parachute, enjoying my jump from the passenger seat, eating the cake on the way down.
I mean cuz seriously, that's some good ass cake. Worth every delicious calorie. #YUM
My post the other day reflected that nagging little bit of guilt over what I'm a part of. I know that what I'm doing with Jones is morally reprehensible, and being a person who has been 'the wife' for all intents and purposes, I know how damaging this could be if it got out.
A good friend who I have confided in put a spin on things for me the other day, and I'm having a hard time finding an argument against it. In the span of 3 weeks, a mutual friend of ours went from a beautiful, lively mother of four to stage 4 terminal cancer patient. She's exactly my age, minus a day. If that doesn't show you how short life is, nothing will.
Friend A broke it down- I'm generally a good person. I'm not out to steal him or break up his family. I have no desire to hurt anyone. We are simply two consenting adults having fun, and eventually this will burn out, and nobody has to find out about our escapades. Life is fucking SHORT. Way too short to not find and do the little things that make you happy, even when they're sometimes less than honorable. Sometimes you have to eat the cake, spend the money, kiss the boy that doesn't belong to you because he looks at you in just a way that turns you to goo. Be a participator instead of a spectator, and you won't end up wishing you did those things later. Sometimes you just have to grab life by the tits and go along for the ride. That's what I'm doing now. Whats happening to Friend B could easily be me or you or anyone; everything could change in a matter of weeks, and you get stuck with regrets and shoulda couldas. I hear those from her now, and she is a person that, for 40 years, has done alot of living.
What I'm doing is definitely not something I would have sanctioned before, and I know that I'm acting out of pure selfish lust, but when did it become a crime to be selfish once in a while? We're all so programmed to be good and unobtrusive, apologize for our feelings and feel bad for things that are in no way our fault. We've taken social graces to such an extreme that nobody knows how to just "feel" anymore, and be completely honest about it. At the end of it all, none of this self control will actually matter, and you'll be laying on your death bed wondering why you didn't take more risks. You sure as hell can't take your self righteousness with you, so why hold on to it so tightly? People, myself wholly included, get into the habit of simply being a passenger of their own lives, watching out the window as the world passes by, afraid to upset the balance, perfectly content with the status quo instead of just..closing their eyes and jumping, just for the fuck of it.
I know that this sounds like one long winded excuse for being a lady about town with a married person, and I wouldn't blame someone for thinking that way. I don't know how else to convey that this is something so much bigger than that. I can count on just a few fingers how many times I did something selfishly for purely selfish, objectionable reasons. I'm not looking to fuck up anyone's world, I'm just flying through the air without a parachute, enjoying my jump from the passenger seat, eating the cake on the way down.
I mean cuz seriously, that's some good ass cake. Worth every delicious calorie. #YUM
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