Karma Chameleon
Despite my recent violations, I want to make it clear that I respect the institute of marriage. Not only do I respect it, but I believe in it and covet it for myself, and generally take issue with those that have it and shit on it. Like, how dare you take advantage of the fact that someone promised themselves to you by waving your genitals at someone else. It's shitty and unfair, and if you're a knowing accomplice in any of this genital waving (cough:me:cough), then you're just as shitty. Which brings me to my existential crisis of the moment: By carrying on with Jones, am I irreparably damaging my carefully curated karma? It might sound stupid, but go with me here. If you read me or know me personally, you know that I am a hardcore relationship person, and, aside from a few misfires over the years, have been single for the better part of a decade. What if this little thing sets back all my progress thus far and I end up a 55 year old single cat lady?
Ok, maybe not cats cuz I'm very allergic, but you get what I mean.
In my defense, since "The Time", nothing physical has happened again. However, the intent is still alive, well, and boiling over, and the only reason it hasn't happened is lack of opportunity, but the smallest change and drop of effort on both of our parts can change that too. The line that keeps us in our respective corners is so super thin that it's almost embarrassing- like, what the fuck are we doing, we're either gonna bang or we're not. Yeah, we shouldn't, but we both want to, the build up is maddening, and if I had balls they would be purple right now. Anticipation and sexual tension is delicious, but at some point you either need to eat or decide to walk away from the table. If he chose to cease and desist from all of this tomorrow, I would.
Still tho, my reaction to him wouldn't change. He could walk into the room a hundred times afterward and I would forget how to breathe every time.
I really hoped that Mr Cool would be the guy to put this spectacle in perspective for me, but unfortunately he has seemingly disappeared from the planet. His departure was completely unexpected, and despite the fact that Jones and I BOTH have attempted to reach him multiple times, Cool remains M.I.A. Sucks, because at the very least, he was fun as a friend, and I'm sad that we never got the chance tomake out bond.
What I have going on (or not going on) with Jones doesn't change how I feel about relationships and marriage, and I would never cross the line if he drew one, nor would I ever fuck up his life by being vindictive. I also would never willfully have relations with another person in a committed relationship and don't consider myself a 'homewrecker'. Just keeping it real tho - I've been "good" for a fucking decade and it's led me nowhere, and I can't lie- as much as I respect relationships and want something solid for myself, I kinda like being bad right now. I'm convinced it's just a Jones thing, because the idea of this never appealed to me with anyone else.
...except, I mean, if Momoa dropped trou in front of me and said "Get on", my fucking apologies to Lisa Bonet, but THAT'S IT.
Ok, maybe not cats cuz I'm very allergic, but you get what I mean.
In my defense, since "The Time", nothing physical has happened again. However, the intent is still alive, well, and boiling over, and the only reason it hasn't happened is lack of opportunity, but the smallest change and drop of effort on both of our parts can change that too. The line that keeps us in our respective corners is so super thin that it's almost embarrassing- like, what the fuck are we doing, we're either gonna bang or we're not. Yeah, we shouldn't, but we both want to, the build up is maddening, and if I had balls they would be purple right now. Anticipation and sexual tension is delicious, but at some point you either need to eat or decide to walk away from the table. If he chose to cease and desist from all of this tomorrow, I would.
Still tho, my reaction to him wouldn't change. He could walk into the room a hundred times afterward and I would forget how to breathe every time.
I really hoped that Mr Cool would be the guy to put this spectacle in perspective for me, but unfortunately he has seemingly disappeared from the planet. His departure was completely unexpected, and despite the fact that Jones and I BOTH have attempted to reach him multiple times, Cool remains M.I.A. Sucks, because at the very least, he was fun as a friend, and I'm sad that we never got the chance to
What I have going on (or not going on) with Jones doesn't change how I feel about relationships and marriage, and I would never cross the line if he drew one, nor would I ever fuck up his life by being vindictive. I also would never willfully have relations with another person in a committed relationship and don't consider myself a 'homewrecker'. Just keeping it real tho - I've been "good" for a fucking decade and it's led me nowhere, and I can't lie- as much as I respect relationships and want something solid for myself, I kinda like being bad right now. I'm convinced it's just a Jones thing, because the idea of this never appealed to me with anyone else.
...except, I mean, if Momoa dropped trou in front of me and said "Get on", my fucking apologies to Lisa Bonet, but THAT'S IT.
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