Window Shopper

Sometimes it takes an outsider's perspective to make you want to step out of yourself and take a peek inside of your own windows.  Case in point:
Twice today, I was told by two different people that I seem to be exuding happiness and peace. My friend even told me I looked "radiant".  "Really?" I thought, aloud and in my head.  So I decided to turn my eyeballs around and take a look for myself, and by golly, they are right!  I remember how I was at this time last year; I was drowning in depression, under a constant black cloud and I really never thought it would go away.  My life was literally crumbling down around me. I was barely holding on to my sanity with my fingertips.

What a difference a year makes.

Now, I'm at a point where I feel good.  My life is taking shape like it should be.  I'm in a healthy place with the ex and I'm glad for that.  I'm able to tell him "I love you" just because I honestly do, without wistfulness or the urge to jab him in the eye with a fork.  Like I said, healthy.  Maintaining a friendship with him is proving to be easier than I thought it would be.

I'm riding high with my schooling, rolling with a 3.5 GPA last month and making the Honor Roll.  I feel like I have a good grip on things and what I need to do to keep myself on track.

I'm thinking the "radiance" thing is coming from SP.  We have patched things up and have been spending alot of time  together.  He finally admitted that he has feelings for me, and his actions back up every word. (A little something to make you ::sigh::- he called me last night just to sing to me.  I had to contain my heart so it didn't thump out of my chest lol) I am freely confessing to you, my beloved reader, that I love him like crazy.  I just haven't worked up the nerve to tell him yet, although last night I had many near-word vomit moments and fought hard with myself to hold it in and wait for the right time to finally drop that on him. It was like having a dozen near-death experiences, and I honestly thought I was gonna go into cardiac arrest at some point, or pee myself at the very least.  Damn you, scary love.

  I realize that I have gotten so wrapped up in living my life that I forgot how to check in on my own progress every so often, so I say a huge "THANK YOU!" to those pals that finally helped me see the light-HALLELUJAH!