Thank You Bob Dylan
'Most of the time
My head is on straight,
Most of the time
I'm strong enough not to hate.
I don't build up illusion 'till it makes me sick,
I ain't afraid of confusion no matter how thick
I can smile in the face of mankind.
Don't even remember what (his) lips felt like on mine
Most of the time. '
I struggled with how I wanted to word this post. I hate to admit that all this moxie I've had in the last several weeks pulled a disappearing act, and some raw emotions resurfaced. I've made mistakes in my healing process and allowed myself to be vulnerable...I dropped the armor suit a few times and let him in, all in the name of grieving. Now it feels as if the flames are licking at my cheeks again, because I let myself right back in to the seventh circle of Hell. Not a place I would recommend for a vacation....
Its hard, this whole 'break up with the love of your life because he's a cheating bastard and heal but secretly deep down still love him' stuff. I hate the fact that theres still that GOTCHA there, ya know? Walking away permanently is the logical choice, but someone explain that to my feet. I know that I'm doing this to myself and I have no room to cry about anything and I'm not. I violently hate this about myself. It's a wicked, wretched feeling, made even worse because I know he's not feeling the same things.
I cut myself open and let all of my vulnerability slip out, and he feeds on it for reasons only he knows, but it's my fault for exposing them anyway. Its damaging, but I'm not gonna beat myself up for it anymore. I'm just gonna lock that box up tight and make sure it doesn't happen again.
My head is on straight,
Most of the time
I'm strong enough not to hate.
I don't build up illusion 'till it makes me sick,
I ain't afraid of confusion no matter how thick
I can smile in the face of mankind.
Don't even remember what (his) lips felt like on mine
Most of the time. '
I struggled with how I wanted to word this post. I hate to admit that all this moxie I've had in the last several weeks pulled a disappearing act, and some raw emotions resurfaced. I've made mistakes in my healing process and allowed myself to be vulnerable...I dropped the armor suit a few times and let him in, all in the name of grieving. Now it feels as if the flames are licking at my cheeks again, because I let myself right back in to the seventh circle of Hell. Not a place I would recommend for a vacation....
Its hard, this whole 'break up with the love of your life because he's a cheating bastard and heal but secretly deep down still love him' stuff. I hate the fact that theres still that GOTCHA there, ya know? Walking away permanently is the logical choice, but someone explain that to my feet. I know that I'm doing this to myself and I have no room to cry about anything and I'm not. I violently hate this about myself. It's a wicked, wretched feeling, made even worse because I know he's not feeling the same things.
I cut myself open and let all of my vulnerability slip out, and he feeds on it for reasons only he knows, but it's my fault for exposing them anyway. Its damaging, but I'm not gonna beat myself up for it anymore. I'm just gonna lock that box up tight and make sure it doesn't happen again.
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