...And I'm Feelin' Good...

My last depressing post? Yeah, that's my last depressing post, ever. Yesterday I became a new person. New life was breathed into me and gave me a better outlook on things. I realized that even when you feel at your lowest and that you don't have anything, it can still get worse and you can easily lose what you do have. Its time to appreciate the little things, and to not just 'exist', it's time to live. I'm letting go of the things that poison me and darken my day. I want fresh, positive things and people to surround me that don't mind when I want to stop and smell the flowers once in a while. Life is a struggle, every single day is a challenge. But how I deal with those challenges, present and future, will make all the difference.




I'm still struggling, but I realized yesterday that things really could be a hundred times worse. I have friends and family that care, my babies near me, and I'm free of worry. For once, even during this time, I know that things are gonna be okay, and thats enough to put me at ease and finally able to breathe again.

Comments

Post a Comment

I welcome your comments! Thanks for reading!

Popular posts from this blog

Thug Lyfe

 Long distance love is not for the weak. This is something I'm learning the hard way.  RK and I spend a few days a month together. That first hug and kiss when we greet each other makes me feel like I can jump to the moon, but when we have to leave each other...yeah, there's no way to articulate the fucking agony that comes with it. The time we spend together is amazing, but horrible because it's always over too fast. I have to remind myself that this will all be worth it in the end. All the time apart and short visits will have been worth the amazing future we're building together. When I miss him so bad it makes me cry, when we're on the phone at 5am, delirious and half asleep but laughing, even though we're secretly dying for each other, when we're hyping each other up from 250 miles away, when I'm angry and hating all of this and questioning wtf I'm doing with someone I can't have full time... I remind myself that he's my 'Why'. I
Read more

En Recuerdo

We're calling this period The Renaissance.   This post is purely for reflection for future me. In 5 years, I want to read this and be able to relive all this sweetness. Right now I'm rolling in goodness, and I can hardly believe this is my life. As of this morning, I'm officially down 80 lbs from my highest weight. I'm just over four months post op, and can hardly contain the shock of seeing that number on the scale at this stage.  It's not even just the weight- my body itself has changed so much. Weight wise, I'm still way above where I want to be, but my body measurements and BMI tell a different story. Making healthy food choices comes naturally now, and is almost too easy. I almost don't recognize my face in the mirror anymore. I have a visible collar bone again. I can ALMOST cross my legs. I WANT to exercise. I love going for walks- I live for them now, and I hate that it's too cold to do it now. Not being able to get out makes me itchy. I have ridi
Read more

A Queen, a Knight & a Joker Walk Into a Bar...

Five months in my rollercoaster of a lovelife feels like a Lightyear. Let's catch up, shall we? Siiigh...RK. Y'all already know.  RK & I are no longer, thanks in part to being swept up, chewed up, & spit out by an actual tornado. Back in April, his compound was hit & the lights, water, & communication system were wiped out. In the melee of the blackout, there was a fight, & he was moved to a higher security facility. Everything fell apart one piece at a time from there. I found out not only was I one of many, not only was he using me, not only did he not love me, but that he was actively dragging me behind my back to his friends, family & everyone he was housed with. I was head over heels for a guy didn't even LIKE me. One of the other women he was messing with was the whistleblower, sending me receipts of everything he was doing and saying about me. The guy wasn't satisfied just breaking my heart, he had to make sure to mop up every drop of my s
Read more