Beware of toxic relationships.

  I thought that after my last post I would start to feel better.  Truthfully, I pretty much flatlined-no better, no worse....that is, until today.  I wish I could promise this entry would have a positive spin, not just to the reader, but to myself.  Sadly, I disappoint yet again.
  Today started off at around a 3, but quickly faded.  As of now it's at about a 0.5.  I'm barely holding on to my sanity with my fingernails, and don't really feel like trying anymore.  In my already fragile emotional state, someone who shall remain nameless decided to add a few more loads to the already overflowing pile of shit I'm buried beneath.  I'm suffocating, and I have no more fight in me.  I'm ready to just be consumed by it all and be done with it.  I'm tired of fighting a losing battle, and I can't help but wonder what the point is.  I'm expelling all this energy to live a life I can't stand.  I have no happiness, it always gets taken away or dampened by a new problem.  I have no real friends-nobody wants or needs to hear about my problems.  My family is trying to stay afloat themselves and I'm dragging them down with me.  My kids deserve WAY better than what I'm providing.  What the hell am I still doing here?
  I'm pushed to the edge more now than I was a few days ago thanks to the nameless bastard.  I just wonder if I should finish the job.

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