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Showing posts from December, 2011

Coincidence?? I Think Not.

I'm starting to believe The Ex and I share brainwaves.  True story. My last post consisted solely about how we hadn't had contact in two months, and how horribly I missed him. Two days later, he called me, under the pretense of wishing me a Happy Birthday, and my entire life flipped upside down the second I saw his number on my phone.  The second I heard his familiar "hey", my heart crashed against my chest like a tidal wave...and all those little holes in me closed up like magic.  It was literally exactly what I needed, and just the fact that he picked up on it is enough to make me a little teary.  You never realize how much someone means to you until you know how much it hurts when they're gone.  I couldn't help but break my own rules and say hello in person, and I'm glad I did.  It was nice to see him, and even better to get that hug I've been craving so badly...it just isn't the same coming from anyone else.   I don't know if I'll

Weighing Me Down

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I'm here, which means something is on my mind. It's eating me up like a fat kid at a dessert buffet. This has been a looong two months.   The Ex?  Yeah, I miss him . Not just in an "hm, I kinda miss him oh well" way, but in a "he's taking up my head space making it difficult to concentrate" way. WAIT!  Before you kick me or laugh at me or slap me in the head, hear me out, because it might not be what you think.   I want to mention before I continue this rant that I don't miss our relationship, I don't want him back, and I don't really miss him in an "I love him" sorta way--I think I just miss having him around, and that thought alone really bothers me. I think of him constantly , and it's almost bordering on compulsive.  I have plenty to concentrate on and keep me busy, but there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of dropping by his house just to see his face...or a minute that goes by that I don't wonde

Waiting For My Comet

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I may as well just come out with it: I'm  sick to death  of being single.    I understand the appeal of single life, really.  The 'never having to answer to someone, I can kiss who I want' stuff is cool. I get it, I'm just not a fan.  Not anymore.  Not when I know that lonely ache that comes from having to sleep alone every night, and waking up to only myself every morning. Full disclosure: I've been just kind of blue at the thought of this lately, and it's been pretty heavy on my mind.  I turn 33 a week from right now.  Middle age is officially on the horizon, and all I have in my rearview mirror are old relationship bones and regrets.  Life is whizzing right past me, and I'm still clunking along in the slow lane, sharing it with nobody.  That thought alone depresses the hell out of me.  I realize things happen for people at different times in their lives, but I don't want my time to be when I'm too aged to really enjoy it.  Unfortunately for me

"Dysfunctional" Is Putting It Nicely

Whatever relations I had with the family I had left are now shot to hell.  I am now a family of three.   If you know me or are a regular reader, you know that my relationship with the woman who gave birth to me has been contentious at best.  There is too much resentment for us to ever have what's considered a "normal" relationship, and let's not forget that she's a certified lunatic.  We've gone 12 rounds before, separated, and swept it under the rug, adding to the pile that was already there.  Well, the pile has officially runneth over, and there is no more room under that rug. After another scuffle with that woman over nothing but the fact that she's crazy , (this one including my adult brother punching me in the face, adding insult to injury) I am officially done.  My mind is tripping out at the thought of being related to these animals, and I have run out of patience and compassion for the lot of them. The ties are cut for the last time, and the end