Double Feature Monday: A Life Update

Now that I've had a sadness purge, (and a little cry, thanks to Poppa and his perfectly timed phone call, as usual), I can unload the rest of the shit I've been carrying around.

Life Update #1: Surgery:

• Things were going too well, and, true to form, anything good in my life is bound to fail, and this is no exception.  I was at the final turn with my process, and was about to reach the finish line and finally schedule my procedure. Unfortunately, my insurance coverage went belly up completely out of nowhere, crushing my surgery plans like Tonya Harding with a baton. I've since signed up with a new insurance provider, but I have no idea if I'll be able to continue my plans, or start over, or, worse, not have the ability to do it at all. I won't have insurance until the beginning of the year, and I know nothing as of now other than the fact that I'm fucking crushed by this.  I feel like I'm backsliding, and I'm really depressed about all of it.

Life Update #2: Job:

• This is the one thing in my life that's going well. I think I'm more secure here than anywhere else in my life at this point. I can get better opportunities salary-wise, but my boss is pretty amazing, and I know how hard that is to find. 

Life Update #3: Boys:

• HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
• Nothing has changed. I'm apathetic now. I've all but lost interest in dating. It's worth mentioning that thoughts of Flaco still sting a bit, especially when Poppa inadvertently brings him up in conversation, and mentions that he's dating someone and possibly settling down..yep, that stings all right.  Not enough to cripple me because it was never that deep, but definitely enough to remind me that what I did feel for him was significant. He stays in my past.

Life Update # 4: Family Shit:

• My stepfather is dying.  I'm struggling a little with this, especially with what happened to my real dad.  I'm planning to post about this, just need to put it all together in my head before I can.

Last, but not least, 

Jones:

• I haven't mentioned Jones in a minute, but things are still... The effect he still has on me is maddening. Putting 'us' into words is impossible, because I can't find the right words. I have an insatiable craving for him, and even when I get all of him, it's never enough. He looks at me like he wants to have me for dinner..but will then do something so incredibly sweet that sends my heart into a full ass gallop, making it impossible to keep things 'just physical'. I'm now fully invested in him- it was a futile effort to keep emotions out of it, because he basically turns me to goo. I drove myself to the edge of this cliff, and now I'm hanging from it. I should save myself, but I'll probably fall instead. Giving up all of our little moments would hurt more at this point.

There's probably more, but I'm pretty drained already. Stay tuned for edits.