Me & Mr. Jones

...we got a thing going on.

It's every shade of wrong, breaks every code, and could put me in karma jail for eternity.  But I can't stop it.  I don't want to stop it. 

Having a dirty secret is a funny thing.  It's paramount that it stays between me and Jones, but all I want to do is talk about it.  All these feels are churning inside me, needing an outlet before I burst- UGH. Maybe I should start from the top.

Mr Jones and I have known each other for some time. There was an instant mutual attraction from the second we met, but he was off limits and I respected that.  Still, we had undeniable, off the charts chemistry. We have very similar personalities, so we clicked immediately, beginning a sort of unorthodox friendship and skipping past the awkwardness of just getting to know someone. The attraction was always there, not really a secret, but just not something we addressed- I think we both realized early on that it was a dangerous thing.

We were very right.  We became a ticking time bomb. But I'm getting ahead of myself. 

We slipped into a really cool thing-  it started to feel like our friendship was years long instead of extremely new, and our exchange was easy and natural.  Having such an easy breezy thing had a flipside- leaving our defenses down just allowed the attraction to trickle over, and soon enough, the flirty text messages began. Dios Fucking Mio. God Save The Queen. I was done for.

The first time I met him, I truly didn't think I would be able to manage one coherent sentence; he is the epitome of all the things I find attractive, so it was like being punched in the throat. Add to that the fact that we genuinely like each other as people, and a flirty text becomes a big deal. A VERY big deal. 

Those messages instantly turned me into a giggling preteen. They started off fairly innocent, and for the record, HE started it not me. The first time it happened I was stunned speechless.  Nothing, and I mean NOTHING, will throw you off your game faster than getting hit on by someone you'd least expect it from.  That was some left galaxy shit. Easy breezy went straight the fuck out the window and I morphed into a nerd who's never seen a boy before.
Flirty turned to dirty, dirty turned nasty, and nasty turned into full on intent. He would look at me in just a way that would set me on fire, every intention clear as day on his face, his big brown eyes burning right into me...then he would tease me when my face went red and his smile would kill me.

He made good on some of those intentions yesterday.

He prowled in the door like a lion, eyes trained on me, and I forgot how to breathe. He swooped in to kiss me, something I've been fantasizing about for months, and I lost all coherent thought. He trailed his lips down my neck and across my collarbone...and lets just say that there's no coming back from what happened next. I should feel shame.  I only feel elation.  I've spent so long being good that it just feels good to be bad.
My intentions with him aren't completely dishonorable.  Being with him in this way is not just about being bad.  I'm starting to realize that underneath the cover of lust and attraction are genuine feelings, and THAT is where the guilt comes in. He makes me feel things...adoration, irritation, infatuation, concern...sadness. It was when I noticed a pang of jealousy over his wife that I knew this wasn't just a physical thing, not for me. This is how I know that Mr Jones is a dangerous man, and that I need to keep my head in the game.  I could lose very big in this situation if I don't.

Me & Mr Jones...what kind of fuckery are we?