Burn.
How is it possible for someone to slay you with just a look?
Mr Jones and I have been keeping a low profile the last few weeks, and have not revisited our dirty dealings since the first time. At first this pissed me off a little; there was zero acknowledgement of what happened the first week or so after we did things. I'm a grown up and don't need validation, but he and I crossed a line that we can't come back from; I was hoping for a conspiratorial look or two, at the very least. Something that said, ' Hey we've seen each other naked, thanks for swallowing my load'. Alas, I got bupkis, and it became business as usual, but with with an emphasis on purposely ignoring what happened. Guilt with a capital "GUH".
I started to resign myself to the idea that what happened was a one shot deal, and he has now fucked me out of his system. It kinda hurt, I can't lie, but that's my fault for being in my feelings for someone that can't return the sentiment-story of my life, right? Can't blame the guy. My brain shouted all kinds of reasons for his silence at me, and none of them were particularly friendly. I am clearly my own worst enemy.
Slowly though...the doors have been opening a little more every day. A little flirt here. A little comment filled with innuendo there. And now, almost every time I see him, the look he gives me...UGH...
The way he walks toward me, with a stare that could melt the sun...if I am ever rendered completely incoherent, it's when he does that. And it happens often, so I really should be declared legally insane at this point. It's like he is looking straight into my brain/soul/vagina, piercing me, putting me at a loss for words and rational thought. He's like a vampire, completely paralyzing me on the spot so he can suck my blood...or other things we have yet to get to. Internally, I battle a primal urge to climb over every obstacle between us and claw his clothes off, seal our mouths together, and rub against him until we start a fire. Staying in place has never been such an exercise in restraint.
I'm convinced that, somehow, Mr Jones will be the death of me, either by fire or ash.
Of course, where there is a burn, there is also a cooling balm.
Someone else is on the horizon who is everything I should be interested in. Attractive (yum), funny, thoughtful, smart, charismatic..NORMAL...and seemingly interested in me too. If Mr Jones was a tree, Mr Cool would be a forest in terms of boyfriend material. The heat isn't nearly the same, but it has lots of potential if we would both only get it together and Wonder Twins this shit.
I am but a wimpy little chicken, afraid of rejection...and the weird fallout that could occur being that Mr Jones and Mr Cool are acquainted. #PlotTwist.
I suppose I don't really know how to navigate this, but refuse to put the boat before the sail. I'm just riding this wave to see where I land, and hope it's someplace favorable.
On a completely unrelated note, I said a final adios to Flaco today. He did not disappoint- I got the same response as the last time: absolutely nothing. His full circle of cowardice is complete, and, as much as it hurts (and it really fucking does..wow), it's clear that I never meant anything to him, and I wasted a lot of years convincing myself I did. I can now focus on moving on and forgetting him.
Ok, I obviously won't forget, but you know what I mean.
Fucking Flaco. You dick.
Mr Jones and I have been keeping a low profile the last few weeks, and have not revisited our dirty dealings since the first time. At first this pissed me off a little; there was zero acknowledgement of what happened the first week or so after we did things. I'm a grown up and don't need validation, but he and I crossed a line that we can't come back from; I was hoping for a conspiratorial look or two, at the very least. Something that said, ' Hey we've seen each other naked, thanks for swallowing my load'. Alas, I got bupkis, and it became business as usual, but with with an emphasis on purposely ignoring what happened. Guilt with a capital "GUH".
I started to resign myself to the idea that what happened was a one shot deal, and he has now fucked me out of his system. It kinda hurt, I can't lie, but that's my fault for being in my feelings for someone that can't return the sentiment-story of my life, right? Can't blame the guy. My brain shouted all kinds of reasons for his silence at me, and none of them were particularly friendly. I am clearly my own worst enemy.
Slowly though...the doors have been opening a little more every day. A little flirt here. A little comment filled with innuendo there. And now, almost every time I see him, the look he gives me...UGH...
The way he walks toward me, with a stare that could melt the sun...if I am ever rendered completely incoherent, it's when he does that. And it happens often, so I really should be declared legally insane at this point. It's like he is looking straight into my brain/soul/vagina, piercing me, putting me at a loss for words and rational thought. He's like a vampire, completely paralyzing me on the spot so he can suck my blood...or other things we have yet to get to. Internally, I battle a primal urge to climb over every obstacle between us and claw his clothes off, seal our mouths together, and rub against him until we start a fire. Staying in place has never been such an exercise in restraint.
I'm convinced that, somehow, Mr Jones will be the death of me, either by fire or ash.
Of course, where there is a burn, there is also a cooling balm.
Someone else is on the horizon who is everything I should be interested in. Attractive (yum), funny, thoughtful, smart, charismatic..NORMAL...and seemingly interested in me too. If Mr Jones was a tree, Mr Cool would be a forest in terms of boyfriend material. The heat isn't nearly the same, but it has lots of potential if we would both only get it together and Wonder Twins this shit.
I am but a wimpy little chicken, afraid of rejection...and the weird fallout that could occur being that Mr Jones and Mr Cool are acquainted. #PlotTwist.
I suppose I don't really know how to navigate this, but refuse to put the boat before the sail. I'm just riding this wave to see where I land, and hope it's someplace favorable.
On a completely unrelated note, I said a final adios to Flaco today. He did not disappoint- I got the same response as the last time: absolutely nothing. His full circle of cowardice is complete, and, as much as it hurts (and it really fucking does..wow), it's clear that I never meant anything to him, and I wasted a lot of years convincing myself I did. I can now focus on moving on and forgetting him.
Ok, I obviously won't forget, but you know what I mean.
Fucking Flaco. You dick.
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