Complex
:Before I begin, I would like to state for the record that since my last post, my celibacy remains intact, despite the night that Flaco spent in my bed last week. I am that damn awesome, and I will absolutely take that cookie, thankyouverymuch.:
Tonight's entry is brought to you by the word "Troubled", and also by the phrase "Melancholy Bitch Slap". Follow along if you dare.
I am...utterly confused. I don't know how else to word it. I just don't understand. Allow me to gloss over a few details to make this jibber-jabbering mess look like English.
There's a boy, called "D". A small piece of this is about him in particular, but mostly about boys in general when it comes to me. D and I met through a friend over a year ago, but I never had a lot of interest, so we didn't talk much. Two weeks ago he texted me out of the clear blue after months of not talking, and immediately we clicked like a couple of magnets. We talked non stop, he sweetly admitted that he 'really liked me', and he hoped to take our friendship further-awesome, right? We seemed to be on the same wavelength about everything, including sex when I freely admitted my situation to him. I was perfectly content in taking things slowly and naturally. I was kind of smiley...for a few days. His sweet messages then got flirtier, then even dirtier, and eventually his true intention reared it's horny head.
Tonight's entry is brought to you by the word "Troubled", and also by the phrase "Melancholy Bitch Slap". Follow along if you dare.
I am...utterly confused. I don't know how else to word it. I just don't understand. Allow me to gloss over a few details to make this jibber-jabbering mess look like English.
There's a boy, called "D". A small piece of this is about him in particular, but mostly about boys in general when it comes to me. D and I met through a friend over a year ago, but I never had a lot of interest, so we didn't talk much. Two weeks ago he texted me out of the clear blue after months of not talking, and immediately we clicked like a couple of magnets. We talked non stop, he sweetly admitted that he 'really liked me', and he hoped to take our friendship further-awesome, right? We seemed to be on the same wavelength about everything, including sex when I freely admitted my situation to him. I was perfectly content in taking things slowly and naturally. I was kind of smiley...for a few days. His sweet messages then got flirtier, then even dirtier, and eventually his true intention reared it's horny head.
It never fucking fails.
Just when I think it's safe to poke my toe back into Man Land, horny sharks are always nipping at my girl parts instead. This seems to be the only male attention I'm able to get, and makes me want to retreat further back into the shell that seems to be growing on me. I'm afraid soon I'll never want to come out. My self-esteem is walking around in a body cast--there's only so much damage it can take before it just breaks. It's to the point now that whenever I see a guy I'm physically attracted to, immediately my shattered ego swoops in and tells me the guy would never be attracted to someone like me. It's like I'm my very own Mr. Hyde. I don't know how to turn it off, and afraid of what will happen if I don't. Everyone says to take chances, but when I do, I end up the butt of a joke. I'm the one that's good enough to use for sex, but completely unworthy of love. How many chances can you take on that before you're just tired of failing?
Then you physically or verbally bitch slap the "boy" because real "men" aren't like that and say "Fuck off you unworthy piece of shit. I deserve the best so get off my lawn."
ReplyDeleteBoys suck. Men Rule!
You are not the only one that this has happened to. When you believe you are worthy of something amazing, then that's exactly what you will attract. Until then, get your boxing gloves on.
You keep trying until you find your "one" or......nothing. Stay true to yourself.
There aren't too many people that have fallen on their face as much as me. I'll send you my list.
Melancholy Bitch Slap is damn right.
ReplyDeleteActually though you seem like a really cool person, and I'm sure that you'll find someone. I wish I could send you my guy friends who are all about the emotions and not so much about getting physical before marriage. Until FedEx accepts human packages though, (lol, "packages") I think you should be comfortable with your so-called "shell" until you find someone with whom you can click without getting crazy. And you will, trust me. But if you're too afraid to expose yourself emotionally, you'll probably miss your opportunity or fuck things up.
So slap that man-whore and let's get some emotions up in this bitch.