Closed For Remodeling

Y'all are gonna read this and think I have gone completely off the reservation.  Hell, I think the same thing, so you'll be in good company.
I watched something earlier that gave me a slice of inspiration.  I've been writing alot about how I'm hoping to find love, for real this time, and not just the guy who wants to get me naked and go home. It's so damaging, and my ego has been shot to hell enough already.  So, I'm considering...(deep breath, don't laugh...) celibacy.
By definition:
cel·i·ba·cy  
n.
1. Abstinence from sexual intercourse, especially by reason of religious vows.
2. The condition of being unmarried.

   There aren't words to describe how foreign this concept is to me.  I don't even really know where to begin other than to just...not.  That in itself is crazy.  I am the embodiment of a sexual person; I'm comfortable with it, I like it, and I like that I am open minded enough to be as adventurous as I am.  I'm smart enough to do what I do safely and in a rational state of mind, and don't consider myself promiscuous, just in charge of myself.  Finding satisfaction is an easy thing...literally, it's just a phone call away, but once it's done, the ugly appears.  My satisfaction is short lived, and I'm left feeling totally empty, like everything before it was completely pointless and I could have been sleeping instead. Why bother, really?  What do I want?
                                                              
 THIS.

Not because he digs my boobs or any of my other parts, but someone who can look at ME, and actually see who I am and dig it.  The only way I'm gonna find this person is to keep my cookies in the jar under lock and key.  Hopefully someone will come along   that doesn't let his sweet tooth get in the way.

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