En Recuerdo

We're calling this period The Renaissance.

 

This post is purely for reflection for future me. In 5 years, I want to read this and be able to relive all this sweetness. Right now I'm rolling in goodness, and I can hardly believe this is my life.

As of this morning, I'm officially down 80 lbs from my highest weight. I'm just over four months post op, and can hardly contain the shock of seeing that number on the scale at this stage. 

It's not even just the weight- my body itself has changed so much. Weight wise, I'm still way above where I want to be, but my body measurements and BMI tell a different story. Making healthy food choices comes naturally now, and is almost too easy. I almost don't recognize my face in the mirror anymore. I have a visible collar bone again. I can ALMOST cross my legs. I WANT to exercise. I love going for walks- I live for them now, and I hate that it's too cold to do it now. Not being able to get out makes me itchy. I have ridiculous amounts of energy and I don't get tired in the middle of the day anymore. I can run up and down stairs or walk two miles and not get winded. I have the sexual appetite of a 25 year old. I'm literally aging in reverse. I have men throwing themselves at me now just wanting to talk to me. Basically I'm the poster child for Living Your Best Life, and I would have killed for this 5 years ago. 

Unfortunately, you can't have an abundance of sunshine without a little rain. 

CT and I didn't last past the second official date. We ended things amicably before they really began, no hate, no ghosting, no disrespect. I still think he's great, unfortunately our schedules just weren't compatible and we were never able to really spend time together. He's gonna make some woman very happy, if he isn't doing so already. 

However, I am by no means alone. 

RK and I were casual, long distance friends before I met CT. We had an awesome connection, but because of our distance, never really made attempts to be more than friends. Things tend to happen whether you mean them to or not, and the more we talked, the closer we grew. We've been exclusive for more than a month, distance be damned. The separation is hard - I don't want to get into the details of it, but we have some geographical and logistical challenges. Luckily, we also love each other in a way that's so sweet it's almost sickening, so we're making the best of a less than ideal situation. As much as it sucks to not be able to see each other as much as we'd like to, it's only temporary, and feel like if we can get through this part, we can get through literally anything. It's forcing us to take things slow and really build a foundation. It's allowing us to get to know each other on a real level without a physical relationship getting in the way and creating a false sense of intimacy. (I haven't even SEEN his man junk. Make no mistake, however, I still want to ride him like a wild mustang. This is a new record for me and I should get an award for my willpower.) 

He is caring and motivating, and has become such an amazing support system for me in regards to my health. I'm already in a good space on my own, but he showers me with positive energy and makes me want to be even better. He's protective and loving and good, has goals for himself and for us as a couple. We constantly talk about a future together, and the few times marriage entered the conversation, it was because because HE brought it up. Now, when I think about my future, he's just there, like he's always belonged in it. 

We haven't been together long, obviously, and this is me we're talking about, so anything can happen. Something about this one tho just feels different. More solid. The fact that our feelings are mutual is a different kinda flex for me. I'm really happy with him, and despite our challenges, I'm also content, like I'm right where I'm supposed to be. This is a hurdle for us, but I know we can handle it.

I feel like I've said too much now, so I'm gonna stop before I jinx it. He's...yeah. He's kind of everything. ❤️

Couple small things to note..

-Mr. Jones reached out.  We're going to attempt to have lunch sometime soon just to catch up.  I think about him alot, and hate how things ended. Despite everything that happened with us, at the root of it all, he was always my friend, and I miss that. I know I should probably leave it alone, but the opportunity to smooth things over and just have closure is too tempting to pass up.  Now that I'm in such a good mental and emotional space, I don't want to have regrets or baggage. I cared so much for Jones and still do, albeit in a different way now, and it would make me feel better to know we're in a good place again. 

-Heard from Flaco again too.  It never fails.  I seem to be his fallback option anytime he's on the outs with his relationships.  I don't understand it.  I've got almost 20 years in with this man, doing the same thing, being the same kind of person to him, and he's never once seen me as someone with long term potential. Finally admitting that to myself makes me see him differently, although to be fair, that change has been happening for a while.  Him ghosting me for two years was the beginning of the end.  Nevertheless, he's now the one on the back burner.  I'm comfortable in a relationship with RK, and I have no interest in anyone else, including Flaco. Especially not Flaco. 

Things are good.  I'm waiting for the penny to drop, because there's no way they will stay this way, but I'm thoroughly enjoying the ride while I can.