::Let Me Clear My Throat::

I am crumbling to bits as I type. I'm beyond exhausted, stretched to every limit imaginable, and completely physically, mentally and emotionally wrung out. I have a big steaming pile of stress on my plate staring me in the face, and I just can't take the pressure anymore. I'm facing things that I don't even care to blog about because it just makes them more real, and I've had it up to here with real life. I've been too busy trying to play Positive Patty, doing everything I can to stay upbeat and keep on truckin', as they say, not wanting to look weak or put any of my issues on anyone else. I've done this for so long that I'm wiped out. I can't always be the strong one, the rock. Sometimes I need someone to be that for me.. When life starts to spin out of control someone to step in and hit the stop button so I can get my bearings and take a breath and stop feeling like I'm always drowning. But I don't have that so I have no choice but to ...

Stop the presses- Ms. Jaded is confounded by a boy! I know, shocker! But this isn't my normal type of confusion; this is something wholly...other. So there's a boy...we'll call him The German. We happen to be employed together, and tho I find him to be nice and funny and cute and a pleasurable enough pain in my ass, (oh, wait..) I don't believe I have any real romantic interest in him..i don't think. But here's where the confusion rears it's ugly head: I think my body and my head are having a communication breakdown, Led Zeppelin style. Whenever he's within 3 feet of me, which is often because we're either working together or he's throwing things at me, the hair on the back of my neck stands on end and my pulse races like FloJo. (I actually checked!) I've never had such a visceral, tangible reaction to someone like that who I wasn't already crazy over. It's like this weird phenomenon taking over my body. I even get flushed and tong...

Ladies and Gents, the shackles have finally broken. I ran into The Ex a couple of days ago and felt….well, not much actually.  There was no painful inner monologue, no longing, no wistful glances or what-might-have-beens.  There was no sadness or anger, nor was I overly excited.  There was nothing but cool… …Ok, there was a giggle that kept threatening to creep up my throat and out of my mouth, but like I said, I was too cool.  Cucumbers and King Kong ain’t got nothin’ on me. The rose colored glasses disintegrated and now that I see him in full HD IMAX, I wonder what the fuck I was thinking for 6 gotdamn years.  Standing before me was a big pile of steaming garbage, so why, exactly, did I grovel at his feet for so long crying and sweating, begging him to love me? Uuuh, EW ! He is still the same loser he was the day I picked him up in a diner, minus the $100 a day cocaine habit.  He doesn’t seem to have the motivation to grow up and seems content t...