Melancholia

I make it a point-everyday-to count my blessings. I am thankful that my kids are happy and healthy and that we have a close relationship. I'm thankful for the fact that I am in a better position now than I was at this time last year, and that I have made huge strides in improving my life, and did it on my own. A day does not go by that these things don't cross my mind, especially when I feel the urge to complain. That being said, I've made a huge effort to not post any negative, whiny entries complaining about my sucky life, like I've been known to do in the past. I've been pretty successful in that, but it's hard to live all shiny happy rainbow sunshine when you still have lingering clouds.
:Quick translation: Despite the "good things", I still feel uncomfortable, discontent, unfufilled, and frankly, mildly unhappy. And despite all the strides I'm making for the greater good, it feels like these clouds just seem to get larger every day.
I've lost interest in, well, pretty much everything, or I am indifferent about things at best.  The career path I've chosen gives me no real excitement, and that in itself bothers me. Yeah I finished, yeah it's great, yeah I have new doors open to me job wise, but that's about as good as it gets. Its all very 'eh'. I wish I was more stoked, but I'm just not. The only thing I'm taking away from this is the fact that I'll have a stable work environment no matter what. Comforting, yes. Exciting...not so much.
  Then there is the relationship issue. I've covered this in a previous post so I'm not gonna get into it on a deep level, but I will say that I still feel the same way. I've listened to all the advice about it 'not being my time yet' and about how 'God probably has a master plan for me', and I realize it all comes from a good place, but it doesn't make the situation suck any less. As far as "God's master plan", some people fail to realize that sometimes the 'plan' isn't always gonna turn out how you wish it would. Sometimes I believe my plan is stay just like this. I don't choose this. All of my self love woes are solved, as are any past relationship issues. I am fully ready and open for a new opportunity, but they seem to pass me by. Some people enjoy being single. I'm not one of them. Unfortunately it seems that I may just have to bite the bullet and get used to it. Maybe a disappointing love life is all part of my "master plan". Who am I to argue with the Universe?
For lack of a better phrase, I'm bored, nearly to tears. Nothing twirls my beanie these days. When I wake up in the morning, I realize I have absolutely nothing to look forward to, and when I go to bed at night, I'm sick to death of staring at an empty bed. All of this is making me feel older than I am, and I'm still to young to feel so curmudgeon-y.