::Let Me Clear My Throat::

::sigh:: Who wants to guess what this post is about?  Anyone? Bueller?? True to form (mine), New Boyfriend is now in the Ex pile.  Crossed off the list and next-ed like a bad MTV show.  He lasted just under a month, just when I actually thought, finally, that I was done looking for a while. Unfortunately, I am a magnet for self absorbed liars that, at the end of the day, only want to get into my pants,  In his case, he wanted to see me get into the pants of others, and was adamant that it would happen ASAP.  He also faked the funk on the love stuff, but kept dragging me along anyway, hoping that said events would still take place.  This, accompanied by a few more lies and virtually no remorse, pretty much hermetically sealed the coffin. Oh, but he had an excuse-you ready for this one? It's a doozy. He was unsure he wanted to be my boyfriend because of the state of my driving priveleges.  He said he 'reevaluated' our relationship the night I tol...

It's now safe to say that he is indeed growing on me, and I'm finding it more and more difficult to keep my ever present guard in place. I didn't want it this way, not this soon! I thought I was doing so well playing it cool and aloof, and then all of a sudden I was smacked in the face with my own feelings. Maybe it was his confession that rattled my cage and allowed me to feel safe to let go...I dunno, nothing makes sense anymore. I just know that when we don't see each other for a few days, I miss him like crazy. His voice mail greeting makes me smile. His texts first thing in the morning set my whole day in motion. And it's extraordinarily easy to randomly imagine us together a year, 5 yeas from now. Like, I don't even have to try, it just happens. What the hell is going on??? Things are going well.. More than what I'm used to. He and I seem to be pretty evenly matched. He challenges me, makes me laugh, cheers me on, supports me, cares about my well be...

My best friend in the entire world is a guy.  Big Poppa and I have been thick as theives for somewhere around a decade, and we hit the ground running the day we met, completely bypassing "acquaintances" and jumping straight into the BFF pool without ever a backwards glance.  I look back on that now and realize that was exactly the way it was meant to be.  Oh and in case you're wondering, Big Poppa is really his nickname-I gave it to him in the early days of our BFFL-dom, and it stuck, cuz frankly sometimes, that's exactly what he is. Anyway!   I don't know how to describe who he is or what he means to me.  He's more than my friend, more than family, not quite a lover, tho we've had a few fleeting moments over the years. To call him my soul mate sounds corny, but that may be the closest I'm gonna get. We have our own language-to be a bystander during any one of our conversations would probably make a jumblefuck of your brain.  We've seen each other...

Sometimes I wonder if I'm just sick in the head.  No no, for real, stay with me on this.  Am I hard to please or just on the lookout for flaws?  Do I actually, subconsciously  want to sabotage myself ? Why am I asking so many questions?   Ok, so J, AKA "New Boy" is still great and things are going along nicely.  He's sweet to me, we have a great time together, and he really, really digs me, and when I say Me, I mean me as a person and not just the boobs & hair.  Today, he actually did the whole 'Face carress, "You're So Fucking Beautiful"' thing-yeah, he went there and pulled a straight keeper move on me.  Completely out of the blue, not after sex or anything. Shit, as long as I'm being honest, I can tell you that we haven't even crossed that bridge yet and he doesn't seem to be in a hurry to drag me over it.  And the opportinities have been plentiful.  I think he's a fucking ninja.  A Boyfriend Ninja.  He's so awesome th...