When The Going Gets Tough...

Adrenaline is a funny thing.  My first couple of workouts had me feeling like Superman and SheRa had a baby and it was me.  Then I got sick, and all that Power Juice trickled out of me everytime I sneezed.  The workouts got harder; my muscles felt like they were gonna cave in after 5 slow minutes on the elliptical, and my asthma-riddled lungs screamed for a medic.  Sometimes I felt like my heart was gonna explode like that overcooked turkey on that Christmas Vacation movie.  Everytime, I wanted to stop, grab my bag, and head back to my truck, even tho I had only been at the gym for 20 minutes.  Instead, I plopped myself on a locker room bench, caught my breath, and remembered why I was there.  Failure isn't an option.  And if I let myself walk out of those doors having done nothing to fix what I've done with myself, then I've officially failed.  I was so hyped up on "reconstructing" myself that I forgot you have to lay a fountation before you can erect a building.  I couldn't go from Couch Potato directly to GTL Gym Rat, my body won't let me.  My problem is that I want instant gratification.  I want to go to the gym, sweat my ass off for 2 hours, and wake up the next day 10 lbs thinner with more flexibility and stamina.  My body, however, thinks I'm a crazy bitch.  I'm now realizing that I have to start over, and start small.  I can't go hard on the elliptical for an hour the way I would like to, at least not yet.  If I can get a full 15 minutes of cardio in, that's good for me, for now.  I have to set small goals, and build myself up, even if that means I'm only putting in a 30 minute workout.
It's hard on my ego to keep this in mind, but I know it's the only way I can keep going.  I will admit, I haven't been as consistent in my workouts as I would like to be- health reasons, time, the weather, and my plain old beaten up, out of shape body have all contributed to that, but I am working on changing that.  I've set a goal for twice a week, no matter what.  I even did something extraordinarily terrifying:  I..DUN-DUN-DUUUUUN!!!  ...Bought a scale- EEEEK!!! I stepped on it this morning for the first time, and let me tell you, if I was ever gonna get some motivation handed to me, it was in the form of those blue digital numbers.  It's an image I hope to never see again.
I'm also finding out that nature has handed me a blessing in disguise.  My body, once cool with inhaling gooey cheeseburgers and junk food, is no longer able to tolerate crap.  Without going into graphic detail, I'll just say that the non-healthy stuff does not sit well whatsoever, and I'ver had to learn that the hard way on more than one occasion.  So! Gone are the greasy drive thru bags- It's clean or nothing for this tummy, something I know will serve me well.

I'm realizing that this whole thing is a process, and I'm acclimating myself to it, slowly but surely.  There are times when I want to give up, I knew there would be, but all it takes is a look in the mirror to change my mind.  I don't want to be trapped in this body, and I'm terrified of things getting worse than they already are.  Baby steps are better than no steps, and I'm gonna baby step my fat ass all the way to HealthyTown.

This has become my mantra.