Expiration Date.

I remember my decision to not blog for a while.  As it happens, I have had too much wine tonight and frankly I don't give a shit about anything right now, so inhibitions be damned. I'll probably have mixed feelings tomorrow, but lets be real: I CONSTANTLY have mixed feelings about something. 
Back to the wine. So, yeah..I never actually drink by myself, but with the shitstorm I'm caught up in these days, it was either get fucking drunk alone or stab the first person who stands in my way. Hurricane Sandy ain't got shit on this girl right now.
I'm..tired. I'm tired of drama, tired of issues, tired of failing.  As soon as I crawl out of a hole and find the light, the ground beneath me gives way and I'm right back where I started. In the dark. Clawing my way back out. AGAIN. Unless you've actually been in this position, you couldn't imagine how fucking exhausting this is, and no amount of positive thinking or changes in scenery are enough to alleviate how fucked up it feels.  I did all of it: overhauled my entire life, got rid of those that dragged me down, etc. and I was good for a whole year this time.  Evidently my "good" time is up and it's back to real life.  It was nice to get a taste of it while it lasted.
I have to face facts:  My life was meant to fucking suck with a capital SUCK. I wasn't meant to be blessed with happiness or good fortune, not long term.  In order for that to happen for others, there has to be a balance; somebody has to get dealt the shit hand, and one of those somebodies is me, apparently.  No matter how good things may be at any given time for me, everyday of it just puts me a step closer to when shit goes South.  Fuck this hamster wheel.

I'm tired of fighting.  Hell can keep me.

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