Promises, Promises
His promises are the downfall of our relationship. They are empty and not well thought out, and just spewed in a moment of word vomit just to move past whatever situation he would rather deal with later. See also: "Lying Through His Teeth".
I won't go into detail with this one, but suffice it to say that we got into it again over a recurring issue. He left in the middle of the night, chucking more than a few nasty insults behind him on the way out the door. ( To where? Nobody knows.) In my defense, I didn't kick him out this time, but didn't encourage him to stay either. I played by the rules with everything this time, and he gave up like the lying jackass he is. I told him it would be the last contact he would ever have with me, and to make sure he knew what he was doing. He left anyway. Whether he's regretting that decision now is something only he knows, but at this point I don't care to find out. I'm sticking by what I said.
I've been having a few mini-epiphanies the last few weeks-"Epiphaminis", if you will (haha). Despite all the problems we've had, we both were pretty sure that we wanted to be together for good and have talked about making us more permanent. Ok, go ahead and laugh, I'll wait.
ANYWAY- it has been a topic of conversation more than once; we both decided that no matter what, problems be damned, there was nobody else out there that we could see spending forever with. As passionate as our fights get, the love we have for each other is even more so, which is why we can't stay away from each other. (Just hold on, I promise the mushy is only temporary, I'm going somewhere with this. Keep reading.) He has been telling me for quite a while that he plans to propose "the right way", with a ring and all that, but wanted to wait until he had the money to buy me a ring I "really deserve"; (see also: "A Ring That Doesn't Make Him Look Like A Cheap Bastard".) I've always told him that I don't desire some big bling on my finger, that all that mattered to me was being the Mrs. I told him I didn't even mind if he skipped the engagement ring altogether, just ask me and make it official. Seriously, he couldn't have it any easier. I'm not that girl- you know those, the ones that demand a 2 carat princess cut stunner before they even consider being your wife-yeah, NOT me. It was never about what he could give me, just about what we could be. I'm pretty organic about marriage. Anyway, he still insisted that he wanted to do it that way and blah blah blah. Ok, so fast forward to now. Let's just say he got a VERY sizeable tax refund, and I have yet to see a ring, and he's now down to under a grand. I know what you're thinking, and no, he definitely hasn't been to Jared while I wasn't looking. So my epiphany: IT WAS NEVER REALLY GONNA HAPPEN. EVER. Yeah, he pulled the rug out yet again. That lead me to epiphany number 2: I JUST WASTED 4 YEARS OF MY LIFE. Lets be real here for a second, shall we? I'm 31 years old. I have 2 kids and no ex-husbands. I think the Marriage boat sailed without me a few years ago while I was wasting time with the Lying Jackass. Sucks tho, I think I would have made a pretty good wife.
That's the way it goes I suppose. Can't happen to all of us.
I wanted to leave with this, because it does a good job of summing up how I feel. Adios.
"It could all be so simple
But you'd rather make it hard
Loving you is like a battle
And we both end up with scars
Tell me, who I have to be
To gain some reciprocity
See, no one loves you more than me
And no one ever will"
"Is this just a silly game
That forces you to act this way
Forces you to scream my name
Then pretend that you can't stay
Tell me, who I have to be
To gain some reciprocity
See, no one loves you more than me
And no one ever will"
"No matter how I think we grow
You always seem to let me know
It ain't workin'
And when I try to walk away
You'd hurt yourself to make me stay
This is crazy"
"I keep letting you back in
How can I explain myself
As painful as this thing has been
I just can't be with no one else
See I know what we got to do
You let go and I'll let go too
'Cause no one's hurt me more than you
And no one ever will".
(Ex-Factor-Lauryn Hill)
I won't go into detail with this one, but suffice it to say that we got into it again over a recurring issue. He left in the middle of the night, chucking more than a few nasty insults behind him on the way out the door. ( To where? Nobody knows.) In my defense, I didn't kick him out this time, but didn't encourage him to stay either. I played by the rules with everything this time, and he gave up like the lying jackass he is. I told him it would be the last contact he would ever have with me, and to make sure he knew what he was doing. He left anyway. Whether he's regretting that decision now is something only he knows, but at this point I don't care to find out. I'm sticking by what I said.
I've been having a few mini-epiphanies the last few weeks-"Epiphaminis", if you will (haha). Despite all the problems we've had, we both were pretty sure that we wanted to be together for good and have talked about making us more permanent. Ok, go ahead and laugh, I'll wait.
ANYWAY- it has been a topic of conversation more than once; we both decided that no matter what, problems be damned, there was nobody else out there that we could see spending forever with. As passionate as our fights get, the love we have for each other is even more so, which is why we can't stay away from each other. (Just hold on, I promise the mushy is only temporary, I'm going somewhere with this. Keep reading.) He has been telling me for quite a while that he plans to propose "the right way", with a ring and all that, but wanted to wait until he had the money to buy me a ring I "really deserve"; (see also: "A Ring That Doesn't Make Him Look Like A Cheap Bastard".) I've always told him that I don't desire some big bling on my finger, that all that mattered to me was being the Mrs. I told him I didn't even mind if he skipped the engagement ring altogether, just ask me and make it official. Seriously, he couldn't have it any easier. I'm not that girl- you know those, the ones that demand a 2 carat princess cut stunner before they even consider being your wife-yeah, NOT me. It was never about what he could give me, just about what we could be. I'm pretty organic about marriage. Anyway, he still insisted that he wanted to do it that way and blah blah blah. Ok, so fast forward to now. Let's just say he got a VERY sizeable tax refund, and I have yet to see a ring, and he's now down to under a grand. I know what you're thinking, and no, he definitely hasn't been to Jared while I wasn't looking. So my epiphany: IT WAS NEVER REALLY GONNA HAPPEN. EVER. Yeah, he pulled the rug out yet again. That lead me to epiphany number 2: I JUST WASTED 4 YEARS OF MY LIFE. Lets be real here for a second, shall we? I'm 31 years old. I have 2 kids and no ex-husbands. I think the Marriage boat sailed without me a few years ago while I was wasting time with the Lying Jackass. Sucks tho, I think I would have made a pretty good wife.
That's the way it goes I suppose. Can't happen to all of us.
I wanted to leave with this, because it does a good job of summing up how I feel. Adios.
"It could all be so simple
But you'd rather make it hard
Loving you is like a battle
And we both end up with scars
Tell me, who I have to be
To gain some reciprocity
See, no one loves you more than me
And no one ever will"
"Is this just a silly game
That forces you to act this way
Forces you to scream my name
Then pretend that you can't stay
Tell me, who I have to be
To gain some reciprocity
See, no one loves you more than me
And no one ever will"
"No matter how I think we grow
You always seem to let me know
It ain't workin'
And when I try to walk away
You'd hurt yourself to make me stay
This is crazy"
"I keep letting you back in
How can I explain myself
As painful as this thing has been
I just can't be with no one else
See I know what we got to do
You let go and I'll let go too
'Cause no one's hurt me more than you
And no one ever will".
(Ex-Factor-Lauryn Hill)
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